Confessions of a Single Parent (Actress)

The guilt of choosing the path with the weird inconsistent funds is one that I have been battling for the last 3 years (when I decided to embrace again the reason I moved from Chicago in the first place). And it always comes up when I transition back into performing full time. This is what triggers it. Not a bill or my bank account looking scary. What triggers it for me is an email from my dear friends that includes a job description. Usually some amazing job that is seeking a Director or Coordinator of Education, and in the message is usually the sentence, "I thought of you when I saw this." No, you weren't. Now let me preface this for all my well meaning friends. This is not an attack or ungratefulness. This is an honest reaction that I am sure you have no idea that you trigger with those emails. Each time these emails come through advertising a "real" job I begin to feel guilty for not applying. I feel guilty for not maximizing the 2 degrees and years o...

Auditions. What can I say? Imagine me screaming at the top of my lungs and pulling out my locs. Does that give you an idea? Auditions are a necessary and crucial aspect of this business we call acting. Once a week (or at times more), I find myself standing in a room with a total stranger singing my 16 bar selection or performing my 2 contrasting monologues. You attempt to bring all of your personality and talent into 2 minutes. Not only do they seek talented individuals but they also prefer actors they want to work with. (Check all attitude at the door) No matter how long you have been doing this many of us still have to audition in order to get a job. Unlike the letter or rejection email you may get from a traditional career, you will never know why you were not selected. It could have been your height, ethnicity/complexion shade, hair style, body type, the fact you wear glasses, or that you remind them of someone who they don't like. Did you notice that all of these things ar...

There have been times when my life as an artist and parent have brought me to a proverbial cliff. And when I felt as if I wanted to leap or simply throw my hands in the air and say, Fuck it! Someone or some circumstance grabbed me by the back of my shirt and yanked me back into the world. The last time I spoke about how faith sustains me. But I also have a support system.  It consists of fellow artists, family, loyal friends, and at times strangers. They are the ones who keep me sane in an insane career. One that is filled with rejection, no, and uncertainty. When I am onstage or involved in a project, I feel as if  am top of the world. But when I am waiting to hear news after a great callback or to simply hear if I scored the job that is when the darkness can come and find a place in your spirit. When bills are due I begin to doubt my abilities and talents and I wonder if this is really the pathway for me. At that moment, I reach over and grab my phone. Not to call and...

As I sit here always on the cliff between unemployment and what I love, I wonder and worry. This is when I write and pray. Yes. Pray. Many young artists enter this business with little to no spiritual foundation. You will crumble without it. Spirituality can exist without religious affiliation and without a belief in a higher power. Personally, my firm belief in both is what helps me stay the course. Because I have seen the impossible time and time again. This is a marathon not a race. At times you have great bursts of continuous success followed by a fucking desert. You do not wait to take care of your body, mind, heart, and spirit when everything is terrible. You must develop it on a minute to minute basis so that when the rough times hit you are prepared. I often look at my daughter and wonder if I am choosing correctly. Are my decisions selfish? Are my decisions self-centered? Should I throw it all in and move back to the house that I own as opposed to renting from charlatans? Sh...

My first teaching position in Philadelphia was at a charter school. A few years ago, the founders of it were charged with 29 counts of fraud and misuse of approximately $825,000. But, before that I worked for them as a 9th grade English teacher. My initial contract was exactly $1,000 less than my first Chicago Public School's contract when I only had a Bachelors degree and no experience. I forgot to mention that I worked for CPS nearly 11 years previous and at this time had a graduate degree in Education. Since this also came along near the first Boom, I signed the contract and started teaching. It was a project based curriculum inspired by a student centered ideology, but was mired in disorganization and a lack of continuity. In order to survive I had to observe what worked and what did not, then I went into my teacher lab and wrote a curriculum that would address the observed needs of the students and teach them some valuable skills. There also was a great need for structure an...

I planned on sleeping on my friend's floor thanks to my amazing air mattress. My life in New York City began at a job fair for prospective teachers to work for the New York Board of Education. I met with a few principals and quickly received 2 job offers. One was to be a Dean of Students for a middle school in Crown Heights. The other was for a 7th grade Language Arts position in Bedford Stuyvesant. The school in Bedstuy was housed on the second floor of an elementary school. This is a result of the school within a school plan that Chancellor Klein supported to maximize space. Imagine two separate schools with separate staff residing in the same building. I will let that resonate because you had to see it to believe it. During the first week of professional development all of the Language Arts teachers were introduced to a new writing program, which held some merit but also lessened grammatical structure. Students with very little grammar foundation will not simply become better ...

Chicago Remember that school on the West side of Chicago. The one with the abandoned section. Well that school turned out to be one of my three favorite teaching experiences. After the first year, the art department produced several student showcases throughout the year. It always included dance (modern, jazz, hip-hop, and even swing), music, and theater. One year, I wrote this play titled, What if Black History Month was outlawed? It featured a Jackson 5 medley, a speech by Malcolm X, a reading of the Letter from Birmingham, and a grandmother convincing her two grandchildren why Black history was so important. The students began to create original pieces and we always scheduled field trips for them to see professional performances. During my time there, we developed a partnership with Goodman Theater, the Chicago Symphony Orchestra, and the Art Institute, and 2 other public schools funded by an Annenberg Grant. One of the many projects included an adult community production of th...