Running from your truth

It is no secret that 2016 has been a beast. Not only did we just recently elect a fascist, and remember just how racist America is, but the number of deaths this year have been multiplying since January 1st. It appears as if everything is going to hell in a hand basket and it feels as if the entire world is spiraling out of control. This is the time that we all need to to take stock of the life that we are living. Are we living in our truth? Or are we living a half-life filled with fear and doubt? 

Despite the crazy, this year has actually been much better than the previous one. And each year, since I started living in my own truth, my pathway has become less filled with obstacles, and more light continues to fall on my journey. Is it perfect? Hell no. Perfection is not the truth that I seek. My truth is found in the mess, my relationships, my struggles, and most of all my ability to be a fully realized human being. Many of us are afraid to live in our truth because that means we have to hold the mirror up and take stock of the good, bad, and ugly. We have to be willing to shed some bad habits that we truly believed were always good ones. We have to be willing to take a risk and believe in the love that God has granted all of us. As artists, we have to find our way in an industry that does not always allow us to live and breathe in our truth. And as a country, we have to continue to live in our truth by making great steps to work towards the world that we all deserve to live in even if change makes the majority uneasy or uncomfortable.

Truth is an intrinsic part of feeling uneasy. The unease lets us know that something needs our immediate attention. And the work that we put in to repair it cannot simply benefit those who are closest to us, it must benefit the very strangers that live among us to. In fact it is only then that, the truth becomes far reaching and leads to a greater healing that helps us all. 

So as life and death continue, do not forget to run as if your life depended on it towards your truth. Stop making excuses about how life never works out, or everything I touch fails, or I am all alone in the world. Perception is a game changer. If you perceive the negative in everything, then it shall be, If you perceive beauty and hope, then it can be. Take your power back. Reach out for help. Remember that anything good starts with you. We can move the needle with one positive action at a time. Run to your truth and never forget to grab a few on the way and fling them towards theirs. Never stop living by never giving up. 

Keep your damn safety pins

Dear White People, please do not and I repeat do not wear a safety pin to identify yourself as an ally to the Black, Brown, LGBT, or in other words, the rest of America. 70% of the voters in the 2016 election were white and both the popular vote and the electoral college were mere votes apart, It was not a landslide. It was a message. And important message for ALL of us. NO ONE WILL SAVE US FROM THIS DEBACLE! WE MUST AND SHOULD BE PLANNING TO HELP OURSELVES. In fact, I believe this truth that was revealed on November 8th, is exactly what we needed to cease being complacent.

Now I am all for marches, rallies, and folks speaking out. But, today, this month, and for the next year, I am looking for ACTION PLANS, And I will be the first to admit that I am unsure of what it should look like. I do know that it cannot continue to start with any savior or missionary mentality because those are by products of a colonizing mindset. It must start with a stream of truth. Dear White people stand up and say this aloud, "The United States is a racist, misogynist, homophobic, and Islamaphobic country that was built on the tenets of slavery, free enterprise, and war. And it benefits me and people who look like me." Then repeat it 50 times to make sure that you never forget it. It is deep in the DNA. And like most bad traits, change is usually difficult but it is not impossible. But, change of this magnitude requires that you rip the band aid off and throw alcohol at the wound. Because the more that it burns and hurts, the more important the change. And just maybe it will happen. Maybe.

Each time a child or an adult is being victimized with hate language or actions, speak out and say something. It does not count if you can only have "woke" conversations in your comfortable liberal circles. It strikes a mighty blow when you can be the only voice of reason. That is a start.

So excuse me as I refuse to have a conversation about the obvious. I already know how fucked up this country can be, first hand. But, I am willing to wait for the folks who have always had prime seats to the show to catch up and figure out the not so obvious, SAFETY PINS ARE NOT THE ANSWER!!

The Election of 2016

This morning, I was awakened by my daughter wailing at the top of her lungs that Donald Trump is the 45th President of the United States. This was followed by a slurry of words that I could barely make out in between her tears and gasping. Things like, concentration camps, civil wars, where are we going to go, what are we going to do, and the last thing hit me to my core as I held her, HE IS GOING TO KILL US ALL!! Yes, my daughter yelled between tears, He is going to kill us all!!

Then I finally looked at the results that I had been avoiding for the last 12 hours and realized just how close this damn election was. It was close enough to see that Trump did not win by a landslide, but he won by a mere thousands of votes.The red throughout the South, Midwest (Kudos IL) and North was blinding. Then I took to social media and quickly realized who had voted for who and why.

The crazy thing is that I have not shed a tear nor am I in shock. I am just angry and numb. Angry because EVERYONE knows how racist, homophobic, and sexist this country actually is. EVERYONE realizes how white privilege and racism has determined every law and current of the United States of these fucking Americas. Regardless of the rhetoric and disappointment that you feel towards the Democratic Party for nominating Hilary Clinton, each of you need to peel away the BS and say out loud the following: WE WOULD RATHER HAVE AN ACCUSED RAPIST, A RACIST, A HOMOPHOBE, A SEXIST, A KING MISOGYNIST, A KKK SUPPORTER, A TAX EVADER, A WALL BUILDER, A HATER OF IMMIGRANTS AND REFUGEES, AND SOMEONE WHO DESTROYS JOBS AS QUICKLY AS HE MAKES THEM be President over someone with a vagina any day of the week. Because let us be clear, if another woman who was more popular had run, the results would have been the same because Amerikkka was nursed on slavery, came of age with wars, and continues into adulthood with unabashed class-ism and exceptionalism. And in the midst of that men have been attempting to rule and govern women since time began.

As my daughter continued to weep and wail, I asked her one simple question. What can we do today? Do we pack and get ready to leave? What?!

She looked at me with the most soberest of looks and said, "We come from Sara and Hiram who were slaves and they survived. We come from Lugenia who moved to Chicago from the south with nothing more than an ability to work and found a means to survive and raise a daughter. Her daughter married Levi and they raised two strong girls who became women. And Anderson's don't lay down when a fight is coming."

So this is a call to arms. If you believe in anything, you must believe that this is a sign of the first of the actual reckoning. America is long overdue to face a judge and jury of her peers for her sins and transgressions. There have been many revolutions and causes that have resulted in small changes and death for some. But, the entire government has been rendered futile in this election and if WE want to survive whatever is heading our way WE better get prepared. This is beyond reading and having a few conversations. This is about equipping our spirits, minds, and bodies to actually fight for what is right. We have to follow the steps of the archangels and soldier on. We have to imbue our hearts with love and our soul with the spirits of all of our ancestors who fought and were willing to sacrifice everything for what is right and just. And WE must do the impossible. WE must do it together. Because Black and Brown people have been fighting since ever and we understand from birth what it means to live in a country that is constantly trying to get rid of you. And now all of our lives have been placed on a public auction block to kill at will.

And for all of you that support Trump and believe in your heart and soul that he is exactly what America needs, then you must know that this is not over. You have given unlimited power to someone where checks and balances have been nearly rendered null and void. The natives have been restless and seeking permission to take this fight to the streets. And the results of this election have thrown the gauntlet down. WE have elected our very own terrorist to lead the free world. Well done America! Well done!

The audition hamster wheel

Welcome to the audition hamster wheel. You know the one where you continue to audition and get called back but then do not book the gig. You feel awesome in the room. They are laughing or crying during your audition and you are feeling, awesome. Then you come home to silence and no gig. Maybe if I say it louder, the cheap seats will understand. NO GIG! NO GIG! NO GIG! I feel so much better now.

You may ask yourself, Is this where you give up? Where you lay down and say well I tried, time to go back to a normal existence where rejection does not exist. The truth of the matter is rejection is around every corner and in every aspect of life. Actors, performing artists, and other artists are simply faced with it on a constant basis. This is when you jump off that hamster wheel and find breath and actual living before you lose it. This is when your spiritual toolkit becomes handy. It is vital that you find joy in this business. It can be in writing, producing a short film, practicing yoga, swimming (my personal fave), working out, learning a new monologue, practicing a new song, going to see a play, watching a movie, reading a book, or whatever it takes that makes you breathe again. Because if you sit there and count each and every time that someone tells you no and then try and figure out why, this life will eat you up and spit out the remaining pieces of your soul.

Cherish the wins. Each callback. Each positive response in the room. Each new relationship that you develop from a meeting. Do not get mired in the bullshit of the hamster wheel. I pray that you have a higher power that you believe in and that your faith is strong. I also pray that you are honest enough to know that you should always be sharpening the saw when it comes to your talent and skill because God seldom blesses the lazy or the mediocre.  Live. Breathe. And live again. Do not simply exist or survive. Follow the master plan for YOUR life because God gave each of us a unique path. When we walk on someone else's we may encounter some obstacles that were never meant for us. And STOP trying to be the boss of God's plan for you. Take these moments of rejection for some quiet contemplation. And listen. We have the tendency to always think smaller than the greatness that God has in store for us.

This is a marathon not a race. Every break matters and each one gets us closer to the consummate artist that each of us strive to be. And for those with a lottery mentality, who are just seeking fame, or those unwilling to put the work in, THIS message is not for you.

When a Turnaround is not the fix

This month has been filled with scheduled community meetings at 11 Philadelphia Public Schools that have been pegged to be changed as a result of their School Progress Report, an evaluation that scores schools on a scale of 1 to 100. The evaluation is based largely on academic factors but attendance and climate is also rated. On October 27th, Newsworks published an article by Dale Mezzacappa and Avi Wolfman-Arent, which discussed the differences between the meetings that occurred at Kensington Health Sciences Academy and Benjamin Franklin High School.

There were vast differences in the level of engagement. Kensington had about 150 in attendance and Benjamin Franklin had 10. One is a smaller school with a staff and principal that have been there longer, and Benjamin Franklin has a new principal who has been bounced around to a few places. At the end of the day regardless of the level of engagement at any of the 11 meetings, The higher ups at the School District of Philadelphia have a plan for all 11 schools. And they usually enact their edicts with little to no input from the school communities. How many times have we seen organized rallies and protests at schools begging the administration to look beyond the test scores? How many times have we seen charter school conversions occur despite the opposition of the community? The answer is time and time again. And when they place a new model over an existing school community they seldom increase the funding or supports, they just make the changes and wait for it to crash and burn. So then they can come back and say, "See, this IS a failing school." It is exhausting to watch and it is discouraging when you know that there are actually no good intentions hiding in the wings.

They had meetings several years ago about, "What makes a high performing school?" Remember how well those went. At the center of this debacle are children and families. That is what is most important. If the higher ups never ask, "What would I want for my child and family?" Then a conversation is doomed from the start. And if a decision has already been made then what is the true purpose of the meetings in the first place?

Trial by Fire

"Trials are necessary for our spiritual health and growth" (1 Peter)

Fire is harmful and helpful. It destroys and yet stages the renewal. For the past few months, I had been enduring my very own fire. It challenged me to my spiritual, emotional and religious core. And just when it was ending, more death entered my inner circle. It is during this time that you realize who your true friends are. Those are the ones who send you a text or call to check in, but they are also the ones who don't get hurt feelings when you go dark and sequester yourself away. This grieving has taken on many forms, and unlike moments when I fight it off, I will also lay down and accept it at times so that I can feel my face wet with tears and be okay with that too.

Then when you add all of the death that surrounds us each day with Black lives being taken constantly, I simply want to lay down. But, that is when art and writing become my refuge and my weapon. Whenever I feel silenced by despair or strangled by a lack of hope, I can come here and share with others. I can share good, bad, or ugly news and know that someone will read it and be moved to do something. Change happens one person at a time. With strangers and loved ones.

I stayed in bed all day, thinking about how much love is lacking in today's world. Love for self. Love for each other. Love for family. Love for friends. Love for God or whatever higher power you subscribe to. The truth is, it is the only thing that can save us all. Save us from ourselves, Save us from our natural wretchedness. Save us from our selfishness and closemindedness. And since love is directly linked to forgiveness, it is the missing ingredient.

I am reminded during the darkness, that there is always good and bad. The glass is half full and half empty, perception is a motherfucker. So on the days that things are rough, I will be still and quiet. If I need to state the truth for the naysayers, I have no problem doing so. On the days that everything is light and fluffy, I will relish in the colors and nuances of all the beauty. Because you know what? Love and beauty exists in the good and the bad, but especially in the gray that lies smack dab in the middle.

SO embrace your fires and your trials. Even if there is another one close behind it. Even when you think that you are alone, you are not. And that is the truth that keeps me going. The air that pushes me forward day in and day out. Without God's love and wisdom, I am nothing.

The Truth

Terrence Crutcher and Keith Lamont Scott are the latest victims in a cascade of Black victims shot by police officers. Both, like many others, are on video for all to see. Yet, many question the validity and truth of their deaths. Here is the truth. Both men were unarmed and both men were shot and killed by police. There it is and that is all you need to focus on.

We also need to stop having debates whether the police are or are not racist. Are they simply doing a difficult job as they protect and serve? Are communities becoming more and more dangerous? Well the answer is yes, to all the above. Just a few days ago, the local Police Union announced its support of Trump for President. And a local organization that represents Black police officers came out with a statement opposing the support. And I have friends and family who are members of the police department. But, it never softens or skews the reality.

Each day another Black child, teen, or adult is murdered on our street corners. In Chicago, the numbers are so high that my daughter has nightmares about the city that we continue to call home. Mothers are afraid to send their children to school not knowing if they will ever see them again. And if you are Black and pulled over by the police, there is no guarantee that you will walk away alive.

This is the truth that WE live with each day. Day in and day out. Protesters on the front lines and those on bent knee reminding all of us to wake up. Wake up and realize that OUR lives do not matter. And they have not mattered for a very very long time. And there is a chance that we will elect a President to office who will usher with force, death for us all. This is not the time to be silent. This is not the time to simply pray it away. We must galvanize our forces and energy. We must ask ourselves, if life matters. And will the world be somehow better, if we continue to stand witness to daily public lynchings? The answer is no. A resounding hell no!

As long as one group of people continue to feel as if they are superior and more entitled than another, then we are all sentenced to death. When we care for the least of us, we are then showing care and true love for everyone including ourselves. When we face America's  racist truth then we can move forward.  But, if continue to sanitize everything, or simply eradicate truths from America's past then we will continue this cycle of hate mongering that is always followed by death.

So stop watching that video and saying self-entitled shit about how he must have done something to deserve what he got. He must have done something to provoke the officer. Because if you saw your brother or sister being shot dead by a police officer, and they were not carrying a gun, you would be seeking justice and not spewing conjecture.

And that is all. For now...