When the money panic attack monster makes a visit

I am currently in rehearsal for Lysistrata Jones at Meadow Brook Theatre in Rochester, Michigan with an amazingly talented cast. But, this is not about what a great time I am having playing the role of Heteira, this is about the horrible panic attack I had a few evenings ago about money. Yes, I love my life as a performer, but I have a confession to make.

At times I am often reminded of how stretched my finances can become. And then I begin to panic! I quickly begin to think, I should forgo joy so that I can have a healthy bank account with an actual savings. Not just simply some funds I saved thanks to an awesome opportunity to simply use when I fall short paying bills in the next few months. Or even better, I stacked enough cash to treat myself and my daughter to a wonderful staycation (that's right we stay in the city, LOL). Either way, I find that these panic attacks creep on me in the middle of the night and literally eat away at my artistic spirit.

Fuck me! And fuck those unhappy people who I bump into who often speak of the sacrifices they make in order to provide for those they love. Damn them and their guilt! (Taking a deep breath) Once I get through this little episode, I quickly realize something. I am absolutely ecstatic to be doing what I do. I love being on stage, in front of the camera, or writing. I LOVE IT! And I may never drop a million dollars or more on a house because I reach superstar status, but I would never trade this life and the panic attacks for anything else. You know why? Because I have done the other stuff. I have worked at the responsible job with the bi-weekly or bi-monthly paycheck and you know what? I barely saw my daughter. I barely saved more money. And most of all, there were times I felt so suffocated, I thought I would die. And that is the truth.

Note to fellow artists. If you ever feel the financial panic attack monster coming to visit, remind yourself of the joy you find in this world. Remind yourself that you have the talent to find many side hustles because you are talented and versatile and intelligent (that is why you are an amazing actor, singer, and/or dancer). Because the money panic attack monster will never go away as long as you are living but you do not have to invite him in for a damn dinner. Give him a cup of water and send him on his way and most of all KEEP IT MOVING!