Monday, April 17, 2017

Grateful and Fear

The audition hamster wheel can make you forget what you should be grateful for moment to moment. In a world that is centered on everything that is not important, it is easy to get selfish and let your ego dictate your perception. I just had a drink and a great conversation with a friend who reminded me that this constant practice can have one circling the drain if not careful. We spoke about the 4 agreements. 

  • Be Impeccable with your Word
  • Don't Take anything Personally
  • Don't Make Assumptions
  • Always Do your Best
Now these may seem like easy and common sense things to do. But, when you are carrying fear and trauma that can be triggered at any moment, they are easier to read than to actually manifest. They are the mantra, I live by but I am also human and fall short at times. That is why the final agreement is sooo important. It is a restart. A reset button that reminds us that we have tomorrow or even the next hour to do better. 

Another thing to add to that list is to stop comparing yourself to others. Stop wanting to live someone else's life. You never know what is behind the curtain and it is always better to stay in your lane. Your journey is yours. And there are moments that you intermingle with others but the outcome is always yours and yours to live with. And stop waiting for the calm in the storm to find joy. Life is filled with chaos, and crazy. If you wait for just the right moment to be happy, you will be waiting and it may never come. And learning how to find your happy in the midst of whatever is a great practice. It allows you to face your fears and trauma head on. Until they trigger you less and less. 

This day was promised to no one. Stop acting as if you always have a chance to start living. Before you know it, you will be 6 feet under surrounded by your regrets. It is better to try than to be immobilized by worry or fear. I think that many of us think that fear will go away. That could not be further from the truth. For me, fear and faith exist together. One keeps me moving past to the next step, and the other reminds me of how far I have come and makes me determined to keep going. 

The season of NO

This audition season had been filled with dashed hopes. More high level opportunities and great scripts. Fewer yesses! Lots of No's. Now this business is filled with rejection. Our sole job is to walk into a room and give our best 1-3 minute performance. Our job is to make decisions and provide an authentic person. Our job is to stay fresh and relevant in our craft. Then we leave the room and have a celebratory meal and push the experience out of our mind and psyche, which is easier said than done. And usually, I am up to the task, but this audition season, I nearly wanted to take my ball home and never audition again.

Many of my friends are no longer in this business. Many are exhausted of the season of No and have embarked in work that will provide more regular pay. Some have translated their love into producing, writing, directing, and more. Others have turned their season of No into a world of Yes. I will admit that I am still trying to figure it out. Last season, I produced, directed, wrote, and performed in some great projects. It was empowering to work behind and in front of the camera.

As I write, I may be getting closer to the answer. In fact, the answer has been here all along. This was the first year that I placed everything in the hands of someone else. It was the first time that I placed my joy in the hands of the audition hamster wheel. And that is no way to survive this. In fact, it is an easy way to the exit sign if you are not careful.

So today, I promise to stay on the path by placing my faith in me and trusting in God. And this week I will perform in a fun fundraising concert and I will start a new show in Aspen, Colorado because even in the Season of No, there are always a few Yes's.