How faith gets you to What's Next

As I sit here always on the cliff between unemployment and what I love, I wonder and worry. This is when I write and pray. Yes. Pray. Many young artists enter this business with little to no spiritual foundation. You will crumble without it. Spirituality can exist without religious affiliation and without a belief in a higher power. Personally, my firm belief in both is what helps me stay the course. Because I have seen the impossible time and time again.

This is a marathon not a race. At times you have great bursts of continuous success followed by a fucking desert. You do not wait to take care of your body, mind, heart, and spirit when everything is terrible. You must develop it on a minute to minute basis so that when the rough times hit you are prepared. I often look at my daughter and wonder if I am choosing correctly. Are my decisions selfish? Are my decisions self-centered? Should I throw it all in and move back to the house that I own as opposed to renting from charlatans? Should I stop balancing the same $5.00 pretending that it is $20? In this time of darkness and doubt, my faith and belief in my talents is all I have to lean on. And guess what? It is enough.

The life of a single parent actress does not look like American Idol, The Voice, America's Got Talent, or a reality show. It looks like hills and valleys overlooking a beautiful ocean. I can look back and smile and revel in the gifts that God continues to give. I can also look forward and see nothing but I tall, insurmountable mountain, and know that when I get to the top the sun will be there waiting for me before I slip into another valley. The journey to the top is an interesting one. Makes you relish the process.  The prize is not out there, the prize is inside. The prize is not how many accolades I collect. The prize is knowing that I never quit. Even when my finances appeared to be non-existent or horrific. I continue to walk forward knowing full well that I am stepping closer to a place that is perfect for me. A role, a song, a story, an original something with my name written all over it waiting for me to claim it at the right time. And yes, I need representation to replace the ones that the Booms took away. And yes, it will happen.

I look at my daughter and know that I am  a living example of what it means to never give up. That will always be enough even when I am overwhelmed and exhausted. I hear her say, "Hey mommy. I want to be a writer, travel to Japan and study art, and an opera singer. Do you think I can do that?"

Yes! Yes! Yes!