Tuesday, December 24, 2013

I want to be in the NBA

As many of you know, I have the honored privilege of being a substitute teacher during my down time. This is just a sarcastic way of saying, "Thank goodness I still have my state teaching certificate. My rent thanks you.LOL!" Each time I strike up a real conversation with a student that is not related to a subject, an assignment, or behavior, I always hear that the boys have aspirations to play for the NFL or the NBA. And many of the girls want to be a nurse, singer, or model. No one has fully realized or even begun to ponder the idea of rejection or failure. And there are many that simply have no dreams whatsoever.

Now I know that this sounds depressing. But, when I ask Student A what steps has he or she taken to be in the NBA or a model. I get this response: "Ummm, well I am playing on the team here." (How often do you practice outside of school?) "Well, I don't have to because we have practice here (Have you been in any fashion shows?) "Not really, but someone approached me and said that I would make a great model. They gave me a number and said that I could pay... (Okay) (You have to work hard to play hard) Student A always responds, what does that mean?

Now before this conversation. You know, before he or she figured I was interesting or they recognized me from Barber Shop 2 or that I actually may have some useful information. He or she refused to complete their assignment and followed very few of my basic directions, time and time again. This same person wants to embark on a career choice that is filled with many ups and downs, peaks and valleys. After a pause, I simply ask: How do you feel when you can't get what you want? The answer varies. But only a few have every answered that I will continue to try and try unless it is not a good idea for me in the first place. Those students have gone on to do some interesting things. Mostly, they are happy and always ready to be disappointed. But not rendered motionless by it.

How one deals with failure dictates how one pursues certain goals? Those who dream small usually do so because they have limited abilities or mostly because they want to avoid failure and rejection at all costs. Yes, a support system is also necessary. But it will not get you of the couch and into the game. That comes from inside.

I need for young people to have these goals but to realize that less than 6% of players get the opportunity to play professionally. But there are may careers connected to sports that are never considered and pay just as well. I need for young people to realize that some models make a modest living and there are those that reach super star status (when luck meets opportunity). I need for young people to understand that there are working actors like me who still have to substitute teach sometimes, and there are famous people. Some even experience superstar status at moments during their career, and still drive the same 2000 Honda Accord and have no cable. I need for them to know that the auditions on American Idol, America's Got Talent, The Voice, and X Factor had pre-auditions before folks got to that "magical moment." And that you have to make your own opportunity and they are not always glamorous, but it will get you one step closer to your goal.

Risky goals means you have to possess the tenacity, willpower, patience, and work ethic to make it over and through the constant failures and setbacks. Because they will come. You have to also know how to treat people and take all chances as your only chance not expecting a second. The question is, Do our young people have what it takes to make their dreams a reality. Or do they only have the power to take one failure and spend the rest of their lives in regret and bitterness?


All I want for Christmas

The holiday season is a very reflective time for me. Each year I create a list of goals that will improve my life as an actress. In the midst of financial uncertainty, I make a bolder and riskier list every year. There are some days that I barely have enough to maintain a roof over my head and put food on the table, but the money always comes and it reminds me that I am not on this path alone. God is with every step of the way and when I feel the most vulnerable He is carrying me.

This season ushers in the birth of Jesus Christ, his most beloved. The birth of a child who is destined to change the world. The birth of a child who will save us all. And even after death and resurrection He continues to save us from ourselves and each other time and time again. The power of this season reminds me that anything is possible with God.

My Christmas testimony is that I continue to be thankful that I have a mother and family that continue to support me on this crazy hectic, stressful, but beautiful journey. My mom will come and watch my daughter as I leave to perform locally or regionally. I am also thankful that I finally have representation in NYC to maximize my work opportunity and for contracts that are financially beneficial. Yes! A manager! Most of all, I am thankful for 3 more years of being a full-time actress/singer. During this time, I have been able to keep a roof over our head, food on the table, and even a few extracurricular activities. My daughter continues to blossom into a talented visual artist, writer, overall student, and singer thanks to art lessons, piano lessons, and singing in an established choir. Her quality of life has never been decreased or lessened. She does understand the value of a dollar and that you have to work hard for what you want. And that sometimes I have to say no. She is also unafraid to believe that she can achieve anything she puts her mind to.

2013 saw me as a co-host for monthly blogtalk radio show (Speaking to Harmony) that features some amazing artists and conversations to inspire others that was inspired by this blog. It is a jam packed 30 minutes.

This is my thank you before Christmas Day. This is my joy and gratefulness that everything continues to work out in the end. This is my realization that all I want for Christmas is for Jesus to continue to be a presence in my life. I celebrate His birth by living my life without fear and unwavering faith (even when my smile is replaced with tears, I know that the light will come again).

Monday, December 2, 2013

The Mockery of Rejection



How much rejection can one person take? Not hearing anything after an audition. Not getting the job after a callback. Sending out resumes to only get the basic rejection email for each and every one, regardless of your education, talent, and experience. Meeting someone thinking that this may be the person who will end your singlehood, but then they reject you. Or you refuse to bend over backwards for someone who is not worthy of a fraction of your time or energy. No returned phone calls. No interest. No leads. No work for a looong time. Society rejecting your hair, your intellect, your personality, your beliefs, and your passion.

How much of this can one person take before they climb the highest cliff and willingly leap off? The pain from the jump has to be better than the pain that comes each and every time rejection happens. One of my dear friends posted the following on FB: “Rejection is hard. At any level, in any profession, at any stage in life rejection is hard. It hurts & I'm sorry we have to go thru it.”

Fuck! I am exhausted of the emotional fallout that comes with rejection. I am also exhausted of others believing that I deal with it so well because I know how to smile and bear it, or simply drink, pass out, and bear it. No one likes the word NO. As artists, rejection is a part of the tapestry that lines our journey. Even when you are finally a working artist, rejection always finds you.

So let me be very clear. It sucks! It does not feel good! And many of us are crying inside behind a large grin and warm heart. Now, please do not run out with your pity buckets and find someone who has recently experienced rejection. Because guess what?! Your rejection is coming soon so be ready.
Rejection is simply a reminder that God is working miracles that have yet to be seen or manifested. And if you do not believe in God or a higher power than you better manifest some sanity in your own way or else the Rejection Monster will eat you for lunch and dinner. 

Some rejection is a learning curve to encourage you to go back and sharpen your skills and even hire a coach. Or better yet, simply start over with something brand new. Relationship rejection can be a result of you needing to learn how to be a better person or you learning how to select a better circle of friends and/or relationships. Some of us need a great therapist who can provide us the capacity to cope and relate better. All of it is an opportunity if you can get over the initial sting. For most of us, it comes like swarm of bees attacking all at once.

When that happens go inside of yourself and get quiet? Just long enough to hear the answers and to heal. Unfortunately, rejection does not and will not stop. The only thing that changes is how you approach it when it enters your horizon. Prayerfully, each time you will develop those much needed rejection muscles to help you see you to another day. Another goal. Another task. Another challenge. Do not stop because rejection jumped in your path. Eventually you will gracefully ease over it. And when you can’t. Forgive yourself and keep it moving.Or have a drink on me.