Why I chose the name Maya - A tribute to Dr. Maya Aneglou

When I discovered I was pregnant, I knew before the doctor's told me that the baby would be a girl. Without hesitation I thought of Maya for Maya Angelou and Simone for Nina Simone. Two women who continue to have a profound effect on my existence. Today, the world lost a woman who cannot be simply contained by the descriptors of poet, wordsmith, civil rights activist, dancer, historian, or sage. She was so much more than any single or multitude of words.

She went beyond being a phenomenal woman. And easily became your mother telling you,
"If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude." Then with a turn of her head, and a twinkle in her eye she wrote,
"Oh, Black known and unknown poets, how often have your auctioned pains sustained us? Who will compute the lonely nights made less lonely by your songs, or by the empty pots made less tragic by your tales?"

Now who would not want their daughter to begin with a name as simple and as eloquent as Maya? 

I remember going to hear her speak when I was in college. She shared a story about her reaction to Malcolm's death. She overheard a gentleman in a bar yell at the television that he got what he deserved, and she began to weep more. Because "No one loved us more than he." I agree. 

She embraced and loved James Baldwin when other misunderstood or judged.

I still get chills when I think of her soft cadence and her direct but gentle touch. She showed us the best by teaching each of us to love all our flaws.  To accomplish more by living through and with obstacles and heartache as opposed to ignoring them.  When I was in 7th grade I discovered, I Know why the Caged Bird Sings and read the entire series of books in less than 2 weeks. And I have been reading her ever since. In my mind, I could feel her trauma and her voicelessness.  Her words washed over me like a sunny day in the middle of a storm. And her spirit will continue to drench me like the welcome rain after the drought. 

"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back." 

"My mother said I must always be intolerant of ignorance but understanding of illiteracy. That some people, unable to go to school, were more educated and more intelligent than college professors"

 
You will be missed but I shed no tears because your life was a blessing and continues to be a blessing. Nearly 9 decades of a rich legacy left for generations to come. 

I chose the name Maya because Dr. Angelou always chose me. And I write and dance and love because of her. And I loved her like family so I invited her into my home and into my thoughts and into my spirit, and in return I blessed my Maya with a little of her. And for that I will always be thankful.  

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/maya_angelou.html#BgoLMGpeUXSA4s4u.99

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/maya_angelou.html#BgoLMGpeUXSA4s4u.99

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude.
Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/authors/m/maya_angelou.html#BgoLMGpeUXSA4s4u.99

A dream deferred can dry up like a raisin in the sun

While sitting in a congested stupor I come across a video on FB of Denzel Washington saying to group of aspiring artists, "That itch, that desire for good is God's proof to you sent already to indicate that it's yours." And then I listened to more, "Dreams without goals remain dreams and ultimately fuel disappointment."

When was the last time any of you have developed and followed up on your goals? I literally have daily, monthly, hourly, yearly, and at time minute by minute ones. My list includes learning new music that stretches and challenges my vocal range, seeking and memorizing monologues that allow me to breathe life into the words of a character. Many of these goals have been checked off and they are quickly replaced with new ones because my dreams are amazing, and they take equally amazing goals to make them a reality.

Unfortunately, we exist in a society where many of us are handicapped by fear. Fear keeps your dreams separate from goals. Fear makes excuses and finds blame outside of yourself when they do not manifest. "If I had started earlier I would have had that already." "I will sign up for voice lessons tomorrow" "I will start juicing and working out once it gets warm" The best one yet, "I have children now and cannot make goals that do not always include them."  Well, I believe that my daughter has benefitted and continues to benefit from watching me connect goals to dreams without trepidation. Now fear does visit at times, but it simply reminds me that I am human and that whatever I am going after will not be easy to attain. Nothing worth anything comes easy.

I turn the video back on and hear Mr. Washington say, "Goals on the road to achievement cannot be achieved without DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY. Dreams without goals remain dreams and ultimately fuel disappointment." It is exhausting to be apart of someone's pity party. You know that person who just cannot simply get past GO. And the one thing they never try is to simply stop going after their dreams in the same way without being open to something entirely new. You cannot play it safe when you are going after something brand new. I mean, it is new. How the hell do you know what 'new' looks or feels like until you are immersed in it?! So you will never know what "better" looks and feels like until you leap into the deep water without a life jacket and simply experience it for the first time. And it takes DISCIPLINE and CONSISTENCY to walk that road. And not everyone is equipped.

So I am going to take some sinus medicine and drink some more ginger root tea, and then re-check on my dreams and make sure that they are firmly connected to goals. I will check on my level of discipline and consistency and continue to walk this path. I will watch as my daughter realizes her dreams of publishing her first book because this way of thinking is a family thing. And my ongoing Confession as a Single Parent Actress is that I live my life fearlessly and without regrets because that is how I check my fears and those dream killers at the door.

A tribute to my Mom - Levita Anderson

This is a tribute to my mother, Levita Anderson. Without her there would have never been dance lessons, piano lessons, violin, singing, acting, writing, watching films, reading comics, and so much more than I could ever list. All on a shoestring budget, and as a single parent. I always call her Levita and our relationship has never wavered because of semantics. She is my most trusted friend.

When I was younger, I believed that every child had the same childhood. I thought that everyone had to go to school to achieve something great. I thought every child had a grandmother who took them to plays and musicals. I remember going to see Dionne Warwick and Johnny Mathis in Concert at the Chicago Theatre when I was about 10 years old. My grandfather took me to my first of many operas and documentary films while growing up. Every Holy Week, my mom and I would listen to Jesus Christ Superstar with the full libretto so that we could follow the lyrics (even though my mom knew them by heart). I thought every mom was a die hard Star Trek and Star Wars fan.

I can watch all of the Marvel Comic films fully aware of what should and should not be occurring because my mom was an avid collector of Marvel comics throughout my entire childhood and teen years. Those stories stretched my imagination and my realization that comic characters are reflections of real life.

My love for books is attributed to the fact that we had more books than furniture. I remember taking them outside with me while I was playing softball and no one said a thing, well not to my face anyway. My mind was exposed to Mice and Men, the Outsiders, The Hobbit, Nancy Drew, the Three Investigators, Encyclopedia Brown, Little Women, and many more. I went to the library each Saturday, alone, and would watch old Disney movies, sit and listen to records (LP’s), and then read all the books I wanted until the place closed.

Each step that this journey, I call life has taken me on, my mom has been there. She has provided hard to hear advice. She has also supported me in decisions that would make most parents shudder. She is also never afraid to always tell me the truth no matter what! The only way I know to repay her is to always be my best self and to never give up. So I don’t. Each of the stories in this blog, my Confessions of a Single Parent Actress, is only possible because God gave me to her.

So I want to take this moment to pass on some sage Levita advice. Never settle for less in your relationships with yourself and with others. You can be the exception no matter what people tell you or where you parents fail. You can always come home. Take time to enjoy yourself. No one can do more than they know, but after awhile they should eventually know better. Never let anyone tell you what is best for you because that is a conversation that only you can have with yourself and God.

I can never thank you or love you enough, but always know that I am eternally grateful that you are always my mother, Maya’s grandmother, and always in my corner. Happy Mother’s Day!

And then death happens

I have been so inundated with covering stories regarding the educational climate in Philadelphia, sending off audition submissions, making arrangements for a voice over demo, preparing for a mini show, going through an arduous application process for my daughter's educational future, and assisting same daughter in pulling together her book that I have literally let life become rote and exhausting. In the midst of all of this, a dear friend passed away suddenly leaving a beautiful wife and two daughters. The love that continues to be expressed after his funeral yesterday (that I could not attend because of life in Philly) lifts my spirits. My heart is saddened by such a spirit missing from this physical plane. We did not see each other often but when we did he always had a smile, a jovial laugh, a love for music and for God whenever we spoke. He spoke about his wife as if they were still newlyweds despite the 23 years celebrated a few months ago.

Rodney Smith you are missed. I miss you and I am sad that I will never hear your voice or never hear you play the drums again. I am glad that when I saw you, I always told you how awesome you were so that I am not sitting here thinking of all of the things I should have and could have said if only there was more time.

So many things occurred this week, I definitely felt God's hand and his weight directly on my spirit constantly. He brought joyful and sad news in the same 7 days. And somehow, my heaviness continues for his family left behind. But my joy is there in the memories that he left for them, his friends and colleagues, and parishioners. Some of us only had him for a short time, but what a time it was. I have been listening to James Brown and Route 66 since I received the news and I can hear Rodney playing in heaven with the angels sharing a cigar.

This is my testimony and this is how I mourn. Because just like death happens, life happens too.