Why the little successes matter

Okay. Thank you for reading my last post where I literally had some shit to get off my chest. Now for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Or not.

I just finished watching this documentary titled, "That Gal who was in that Thing." And now I am sitting here listening to Captain and Tenille and Diana Ross. Literally living and breathing the songs from my childhood. And I am reminded of the stats that the films opens up with.

• 270,000 folks go to NYC or LA each year in order to pursue acting. 
• 83,000 are women. 
• At the end of the first year, only 1,000 stay in it. 
• Less than 21% earn enough to make a living and the average salary is $5,000 per year. 

I am going to let that just sit and marinate. Because me and a fair number of my female peers in this business are considered working actors because we are a part of that 1,000.

Now does this make me all warm and gushy?! Hell no! It makes me grateful. but it also is a harsh reminder that this shit can go south at anytime. And in fact, it has. There have been moments, days, and months where I had no idea how my bills were going to get paid or if me and my daughter would be out on the street. And the reason, I write this blog is because I know that this business is not kind or easy to  Black women or single parents. There are two actresses of color featured in the documentary (that number alone should tell you something). One describes her opening night on Broadway, where everyone stood and applauded her entrance in the presence of her 7 year old son. And he responded, "Mommy you don't need me anymore." She had to make a decision for him to spend more time with his father. Like I had to make a decision for my daughter to spend nearly a year with her grandmother. That decision still lives with me. And you could see in the film that her decision still lives with her too.

I have no idea what and where is the payoff in this life. But as I get older, I realize that the payoff is the work and that all. Each project fills me with joy and when I am not doing this work, I am not joyful. I am just existing. So now I am going to finally work on this buzzfeed style short about dating in Philly. Write some more articles about social-organizing unions. Challenge my peers and strangers to think about race and gender in such a way that the world can stop trying to make my fade into the back. Keep swimming because the water gives me peace and silences the stress each lap I take.

This is why each success is important. And if you know an artist please celebrate each of their successes fully by being supportive as opposed to asking dumb ass questions about how and why they chose this difficult ass life. We already know that.