Living in My Truth ---- Two Lessons

I appeal to you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and create obstacles contrary to the doctrine that you have been taught; avoid them. (Romans 16:17)

My church home is closing on September, 11, 2016. My daughter and I have been members since 2007 and attending since 2006. I literally was walking down Germantown Avenue and saw the sign, "Come as You Are," and walked in the following Sunday. We were new to Philadelphia, and St. Michaels Lutheran Church provided the spiritual haven that I needed. I have been active in every aspect of the church, but for the last month, I have been actively involved in the machination of closing it. The church has been open for since 1788 and a historic graveyard marks the time of its great history. "You got to commune with the dead to understand the living" (Garden of Good and Evil)

I mention this story, not so much, to bore you with the sordid and stressful details of what it entails to close a physical church, but to remind me that I nearly forgot who is the actual center of my life and sanity. I nearly forgot about God in the midst of this because it has been mired in anger, confusion, mistrust, governance, hurt feelings, and everything that looks nothing like Christianity. Then I realized, that this IS what Christianity looks like because it is messy like the humans we are. It is messy like the humans that God sent His only son to die for on the cross. It is the beautiful mess that God loves. He loves us when we are at our best and always when we are at our worst. The church is a building but like the verse states above if ever divisions arise, we must remember what we have been taught. We must remember that the core of our belief is love and that includes loving those when they are at their worst and loving yourself enough to trust in God's plan. Even when it makes us uncomfortable and sad.

Second Lesson in Truth

It is not our abilities that show who we truly are---it is our choices (Dumbledore - Harry Potter)

The next important lesson has also been about choice. Which is also a gift that has always been God given from the start of Creation. We choose. We get to choose. And it is always our choices that are most remembered. It is our choices that determine our pathway. At times it feels as if we are victims of the choices of others. And that is true. At times we feel as if we have no clear choice to make that will make everything better. But, what I know is that I have the power to choose. I also have the power to not take things personally and try my best each and every day. I also choose to lay all of my troubles and heartache at the feet of the Lord. The one who I trust with my life. And to live for living and not to face a better death.

Is this an easy choice? Hell no. In fact, there are moments that I attempt to run and fix everything and get my ass kicked in consequence because my faith faltered or like most humans, I thought I could do this alone. And you know what? I can't. Or I forget that humanity is mostly comprised of fear and passive aggressive feelings. And I can never be responsible for that because each one of us is on our own pathway and journey when it comes to emotional growth and personal healing. So Friday, I took a swim. I went to brunch. I prayed at home, in the pool, in the car, and at home again. And I laid all of my worry and concern and questions at His feet. I chose to not worry. I chose not to forget my faith. Ultimately, I chose clarity of mind, thoughts, and feelings and most of all I chose to live in my truth. 

The truth is that I love without question. I can also let go without question. And when I am at my best, the universe shifts to wrap its arms around me and runs this race with me instead of on top of me. And that is where I am today. So this blog is a reminder to live in your truth. Not a truth where you point fingers at everyone else and find fault and blame outside of yourself. I am talking about a real hard earned truth that includes looking into the mirror and taking responsibility for you. And then taking your worries and laying them at the feet of the Lord without taking on the role of the victim. Because in every wrong, we can always find our choices smack dab in the center. And that is where I always start. Where do you start? What do you believe to be true?