Pay me! I am a professional too

I know that we are friends and I would love to sing or recite a poem at your event. But why does it always make me feel guilty for expecting to be paid for my talents? Why!!!! Why do I even hate to ask for money? When I write a grant proposal, I do not hand it over until I have been compensated. Yet, I continue to let your cheap expectations cheapen me. No more!

If my friend was a licensed plumber and I needed some work done at my house, I may expect a discount or to pay for materials, but I never expect it to be done for free. So stop making feel guilty when you ask if I can contribute my talents and stop not offering me the same consideration as you would the plumber. I mean, I know your toilet ain't stopped up. But, your event can be amazing with me in it and it can be even more amazing if I feel respected.

Every artist knows what I am talking about. A friend that you barely speak to or one that you have known for years is getting married or they are planning an event. And of course, they ask if you are interested in being a part. So you say yes. And then you assume they will treat you like the professional that you are. You are not expecting union pay, you are simply seeking a free will offering, gas money, shit, anything that resembles funds. Instead, you get the following, "Well this is great exposure for you and it could lead to other work." Did you tell the plumber that after he or she fixes your tub you are going to invite all of your friends to see the handiwork and it will lead to other work? Thank you for contributing your skills to help me wash my ass, but I cannot make any contributions to you. Really?!

We are professionals too! We do this for a living! If we volunteer our time to help with an amazing cause, no problem. If you expect us to volunteer to simply make you feel good, then that is a problem. And it is poor etiquette. If you ask an artist to be a part of something, treat them like the professional they are do not treat us like children being invited to perform our first piano recital. And I promise not to say yes without asking for what I deserve.

Black folks have natural talent. Really?!

"Our people do not need any training, when it comes to acting and entertainment. Don't you agree?" This is what an older Black woman shared with me as I was sitting in a classroom with young children. After she told me that I should also contact Tyler Perry to see if I could work for him. As I sat there in stunned silence, I could only think of the numerous artists that came before me who may not have trained in traditional settings but definitely did receive training and always practiced in order to be the best of the best. One of the best lines from the documentary, 20 Feet from Stardom is "Artists today have not done enough woodworking," which basically refers to the lack of practice and time spent polishing one's talent. This was told by older Black singers in the film. So where did the woman speaking to me get such a ludicrous idea?

There are so many fingers to point. And I am glad that she looks at movies and believe that it is effortless and that anyone with a thimble of talent can make magic happen. But that is simply not true. It could not be further from the truth. I honestly felt as if her words kicked me in the stomach and completely wiped out all of the hard work that so many of us dive into on a daily basis. No matter what aspect of art you choose to follow, it takes discipline and work to find a way to earn a living from it and for it to be recognized and respected by others. But what about reality television? That does not have the same requirements. They also do not get the same kind of pay or respect. But folks do recognize them. Denzel Washington said it best, "Luck is where opportunity meets preparation." This is why no one will remember many of these shows 20 years from now.

My daughter practices her art daily and some her training is formal and some comes from you tube tutorials. But she is self motivated to improve her artistic abilities and that is what training looks like. I still read plays and look for music for auditions in order for me to find a better monologue and a better song. I utilize coaches and voice teachers and workshops. I practice reading music so that I can have a leg up during rehearsals or when music is emailed to me and I am unable to meet with my voice teacher. None of this would be possible without training being perfectly matched to some raw talent.

I can only pray that the woman that spoke those words can remember those who used to literally sleep at the Apollo theatre and perform 3 shows each day between rehearsals, training, and more rehearsal. I hope that she remembers that one of the greatest contributions that America has continuously given is its entertainment and it transcends Tyler Perry,  race, gender, and ethnicity. But none of it would be possible without training and expertise. Something that may continue to be hard to receive as art programs fall victim to the school of hard knocks and are only available to those who can afford them as opposed to every child.

Assumptions are a bitch!

Assumptions are rampant in life and they are even more visceral and intrusive in the acting/performing business. Yes! Assumptions are a bitch!The public, casting directors, producers, and many others make assumptions about us based on size, hair type, complexion, body type, gender, and ethnicity. All of this judgement occurs before you even speak. The minute you enter the audition space or your head shot is being viewed  all of these assumptions are already present ready to attack your spirit if you let it.

Look at what just happened in social media around the Oscars. Negative comments about Gabourey Sidibe regarding her size and appearance swirled on FB and Twitter. It saddened me to the core that the amazing accomplishments of this extraordinary actress were not the focus of the conversation or were barely mentioned. Very similar to the tail spin around Gabby Douglas's hair. So here is a word of advice. It is not okay to get defensive when it occurs because it provides them exactly what they are seeking, a negative response from you and it gives them points that they do not deserve. Assumptions are based on fear of the unknown. And as my 13-year old just said, "Fear is a choice." And your response to that fear is also a choice.Do not let it block your amazingness!

It is my job and daily determination to prove them wrong every time without making my own negative energy and without taking on theirs. It is vital that you maintain a positive and strong sense of self without arrogance. Simply emit the love you have for your flaws and strengths each time folks try and make their assumptions about you the truth. Easier said than done when folks are constantly placing their own fears an ignorance onto you.

So it is my job and daily determination to prove them wrong every time without making my own negative energy and without taking on theirs. And without negating my originality or uniqueness that makes me who I am. In return when you are challenged by your own assumptions of others maintain a more open mind and lessen your fear of something new and different. But always know that at the core, Assumptions are a bitch!

The Seeing Place

I just witnessed a wonderful process during a run through of show still in the wee stages of the rehearsal process. The beauty of a story revealing the layers of family dynamics when one lives with autism. Stephen Sondheim said it best, “All the best performers bring to their role something more, something different than what the author put on paper. That’s what makes theatre live. That’s why it persists.”  

Falling written by Deanna Just was an Off Broadway production that played to stellar reviews in 2012. It centers on how the autism of the main character Josh, the 18-year old son affects the lives of each of the family members, and how that spirals out of control when the grandmother visits.

I had the opportunity to sneak a peek at the process of actors in the process of remounting this piece at a regional production. The process is what I want to speak about. Especially during a time when we are all addicted to non- reality, Reality television and the remakes of film scripts from years past. We forget that original stories shine a light on realities that many of us ignore or have no idea exist: The disparity and lack of programs for families dealing with autism regardless of income, ethnicity, or class.  Theatre and art are venues to educate and illuminate hidden and at times difficult to watch images and force them back into the light. When they are visible it creates awareness, empathy, and increased advocacy.We currently live in a society blinded by half-truths and conjecture. Since art is continually being slashed and replaced by more and more tests our youth can only experience American Idol or scripted realities. They may never fully understand or realize the truth embedded in 20 feet from Stardom (great documentary about background singers and the music business).

“The word theatre comes from the Greeks. It means the seeing place. It is the place people come to see the truth about life and the social situation.” Stella Adler. When tears are running down my face, I am reminded that visceral emotion and connection do not always occur often enough. Consider the stories that you want to see illuminated on stage, and remember that as your viewing dollars support the polar opposite of what your heart, mind, and soul actually desire and need.

A great voice is awesome but don't forget the story

The importance of bringing the character to life in a musical is just as vital as bringing one to fruition in a straight play with no music. The problem is that the book at times can get lost when one is learning music and choreography. If you can only comment on the movement, music, set design, and great costumes when you walk away from a musical, then the book/story has been lost in translation.

I have literally scored a role after several callbacks as a result of bringing a character to life through the lyrics and lines, as opposed to just simply being an amazing singer. In other words if you want to experience longevity and take the audience on a journey, you must find the arc of your character. Even when the musical has a two-dimensional script and a repetitive score, there is richness to mine and that makes all the difference. I love musicals. I love the sweep and beauty that they bring, but I also like the unpleasantness that exists when you are able to peel back and see the struggle of a character. I approach lyrics like lines. I listen to the music underneath and attempt to capture the tapestry of the world that is being created.

If you stumble into this business through a non-traditional route without training please do not hesitate to read and study theater history, music theory, and scene study. Familiarize yourself with the history and the reality of life that exists all around us. You never know when that cerebral knowledge and ideology can contribute greatly to a role. All of this information and education can inform your choices during a show, an audition, a callback, and any theatrical or on-camera opportunity.

Do not get me wrong, having amazing vocal chops is awesome to hear and experience in person. But, when you are able to tell a story and make a real connection with others on stage that is priceless and unforgettable. And that makes all the difference.

Exhaustion looks like

I want to live my life as an artist. This decision comes with some difficult choices. For example, as I continue to find more and more success as an actress/singer, I still grow weary of supplementing my income with other non-artistic work. Of course, I seldom complain because what good does it do. But it can be exhausting and that is what I want to share with you. Just because I am able to earn money from doing a show 7-8 times per week and twice on Sunday and Wednesday does not mean that it is not exhausting. Just because I love being on stage and in front of the camera does not mean that I do not get tired like anyone else who works a job they love or hate. Because despite the make up and the pretty costumes and the accolades, this is a job.

It is even more exhausting when others assume that you are having such a great time with no struggles or trauma, simply because you are doing what you love. Well when what you love pays as inconsistent as this work does, it can make you weary. And at times, even after a great show and a great audition like I had today, I get weary.

I constantly write about the many blessings that God continues to shower upon my life, and how many of those blessings allow me to live my life as an artist. But there are times that I feel as if I cannot breathe or make a positive decision because a bill is due that cannot be paid on time or sometimes not at all. There are times that I do not want to walk into a substandard charter school and earn some extra dollars as a substitute teacher because the toxic environment makes me feel so depressed for the children, teachers, and myself. There are times that my college students literally make me want to push them out a window as a result of poor writing or simply having a poor work ethic. There are moments that I wish I could simply exist in my art and that the financial blessings would ALWAYS match the spiritual/creative ones.

So you know what? I will admit that I am exhausted. I will admit that at times I am so broke, I cannot afford to pay attention or to even attend a show to support my friends who are performing. But, I will not give in nor will I give up. But if you see me next time and I am complaining about work, do not negate my vent by saying, “Well you are lucky because you are doing what you love. And you always look like you are having so much fun.” Take a breath before that crazy shit falls from your mouth and realize that it is also hard work and the dedication it takes to keep going can at times be exhausting, mind boggling, and even impossible at times. And unlike many, I am working several jobs I can barely stand in order to stay in my actress/singer lane so it is not on all giggles and glitter.

  

When the money panic attack monster makes a visit

I am currently in rehearsal for Lysistrata Jones at Meadow Brook Theatre in Rochester, Michigan with an amazingly talented cast. But, this is not about what a great time I am having playing the role of Heteira, this is about the horrible panic attack I had a few evenings ago about money. Yes, I love my life as a performer, but I have a confession to make.

At times I am often reminded of how stretched my finances can become. And then I begin to panic! I quickly begin to think, I should forgo joy so that I can have a healthy bank account with an actual savings. Not just simply some funds I saved thanks to an awesome opportunity to simply use when I fall short paying bills in the next few months. Or even better, I stacked enough cash to treat myself and my daughter to a wonderful staycation (that's right we stay in the city, LOL). Either way, I find that these panic attacks creep on me in the middle of the night and literally eat away at my artistic spirit.

Fuck me! And fuck those unhappy people who I bump into who often speak of the sacrifices they make in order to provide for those they love. Damn them and their guilt! (Taking a deep breath) Once I get through this little episode, I quickly realize something. I am absolutely ecstatic to be doing what I do. I love being on stage, in front of the camera, or writing. I LOVE IT! And I may never drop a million dollars or more on a house because I reach superstar status, but I would never trade this life and the panic attacks for anything else. You know why? Because I have done the other stuff. I have worked at the responsible job with the bi-weekly or bi-monthly paycheck and you know what? I barely saw my daughter. I barely saved more money. And most of all, there were times I felt so suffocated, I thought I would die. And that is the truth.

Note to fellow artists. If you ever feel the financial panic attack monster coming to visit, remind yourself of the joy you find in this world. Remind yourself that you have the talent to find many side hustles because you are talented and versatile and intelligent (that is why you are an amazing actor, singer, and/or dancer). Because the money panic attack monster will never go away as long as you are living but you do not have to invite him in for a damn dinner. Give him a cup of water and send him on his way and most of all KEEP IT MOVING!