Confessions of a Single Parent (Actress)

"The only thing that separates women of color from anyone else is opportunity. You cannot win an Emmy for roles that are simply not there." Viola Davis, Best Actress Emmy 2015 Last, night Viola Davis won the coveted Emmy for Best Actress. She is the first African American actress to ever win such an honor. And yes, this is 2015. In fact, last night was a history of firsts. 3 Black actresses took home an Emmy in 3 separate categories. It was a time for celebration, yet my heart was saddened by the shade and disdain that covered the faces of the audience members, and I realized that Ms. Davis' words were not expected and the sentiment was not wide spread. And that we have such a long way to go still until all women of color are represented (Indigenous Americans, African Americans, West Indians, Africans, Asians, and Latino/Hispanics) This is when I realized that her words are a lightening rod for all Black women of color in this business that we call show bizness. We ne...

As a single parent actress, dating and being in a relationship are something that I dabble in every now and then. At times, you meet a person who really excites you and then you quickly realize it was all potential and very little reality in the picture. There are other moments that someone sweeps you off your feet and treats you like a partner just to drift away or even worse rob you blind of your sanity and funds, which at first you were sharing equally (funny how that quickly turns around).  Then there are times that someone re-enters your life with a promise and a dream, but they are not quite in the position to make it a reality. Yet, when you are bright enough to realize that and break it off or simply return to the friendship zone, you are cut off.  And all of this makes me simply want to leave dating and relationships alone because it is exhausting trying to take care of someone's feelings when they don't actually give a rats ass about yours. Now this may sound like ...

You know the drill. You enter the audition space and you slay it! You take over the room and you have a great time. The director strikes up a conversation with you, and the casting agent asks if you would be available the next day IF they called you back. And you walk out of the room elated just knowing that you will be there tomorrow. Then you come home and sit and wait. And wait. And wait. And nothing. So after years of doing this, why did this rejection make me eat an entire bowl of vanilla ice cream with two chocolate chunk cookies? Rejection and no response is what comes with this life. It is always there. This one hurt because I simply needed confirmation that I am on the right path. Because lately, I have not been so sure. I have confided in a few friends, but this blog is the place where I am the most honest and the most transparent. I share because I know that I am not alone. This actor’s life is not for the meek and it comes with no guarantees. And when you are stret...

Okay. Thank you for reading my last post where I literally had some shit to get off my chest. Now for the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel. Or not. I just finished watching this documentary titled, "That Gal who was in that Thing." And now I am sitting here listening to Captain and Tenille and Diana Ross. Literally living and breathing the songs from my childhood. And I am reminded of the stats that the films opens up with. 270,000 folks go to NYC or LA each year in order to pursue acting.  83,000 are women.  At the end of the first year, only 1,000 stay in it.  Less than 21% earn enough to make a living and the average salary is $5,000 per year.  I am going to let that just sit and marinate. Because me and a fair number of my female peers in this business are considered working actors because we are a part of that 1,000. Now does this make me all warm and gushy?! Hell no! It makes me grateful. but it also is a harsh reminder that this shit can g...

So let's talk about this summer. I started hopeful that I would book a gig because for the last two summers I have. Well I didn't. And I was on a roll from September until March. And then shit started to happen. And I started working for a company that literally drained my life source, oh and did not pay me for 3 weeks. Oh and my church paid for work that never got done (all on my watch) (oh and from the same company). And my best friend's bathroom was completely destroyed. And this was just July! Then I did not resign with my agent and I worried what the fuck was going to happen next. So what does all of this chaos have to do with being a single parent actress? Well, in order for my family to survive, I assemble a set of part time jobs that always work for me. Well, since the end of March, all of those jobs quickly started to dry up or simply not exist. I quickly went into hustle/survivor mode, which always serves me well. Except for this time. The well was drying up qui...

When do you take care of self? Each day? Once a month? Annually? Never? Many of us, unfortunately, do not take great self care of ourselves. We get mired in schedules and deadlines, building and eliminating relationships, or simply trying to live day by day. In this business, we are pursuing auditions, discovering rejection, building new relationships with casting directors, trying to avoid unemployment, and mostly trying to share our indescribable talent with others without falling into a personal pity party or temporary despair or even worse losing our way. This is when we need to get away. And we need to include in that crazy schedule of ours days to simply unwind, breathe, meditate and rest. Only then can we continue to strive for our best selves because we are clear and ready to accept things with clarity and truth. So this weekend begins a get away for me. I am leaving everything in this apartment and I am simply taking a pen and notebook. If I want to write, I will. If I want ...

Today, I have had several conversations where dumb shit was uttered as if it was the holy grail of truth instead of what it actually was....dumb ass shit. In fact, this has been going on for quite awhile, but when I need to eat and my blood sugar is dropping it just hits me a great deal harder than usual. So here it goes. I am having a conversation and we begin to chat about critical thinking in school. I agree with said person that critical thinking activities can at times be lacking and that has a great deal to do with testing and many other bullets that have been attacking public education for the last 15 years. This person says that as he was learning about pi and all of those other things we learn at school, at the time he did not deem it important or relevant. He took an art history class and thought it was the dumbest class ever until he realized as an adult how visual things really are. Well, I took it one step further and added that what you learn at school can also be conne...