Who is this activist, actress, parent, and teacher?

Over the last few days, I have been working with other educators, parents, and activists who want to see positive change in public education. Each time that I enter the space I am questioned about how I came to be involved in this work in the first place and how does that segue with my work as an artist.

First, a brief history when I graduated from high school I pursued a degree in musical theater. After two years of nearly having my joy diminished and being pushed further away from performing, I decided to transfer.  During the transition, my faith in theater departments was in flux so I majored in secondary education at my new school, but fully participated in theater and dance studies without the constraints of being an actual theater student.  It was an amazing experience that rekindled my faith in my abilities and goals as an aspiring actress.

The interconnection of my studies between education, English, theater, music and dance further enhanced my passion for art in schools.  In fact, one of my first independent research projects included me starting a summer theater program in local Champaign, Illinois for girls in a housing project, and it was an experience that continues to push me.

Each time I am asked to introduce myself at a gathering filled with educators, activists, and parents I am always shocked at how difficult it is to describe or explain what and why I am there. In fact just recently, I gave my name because I simply had no idea what to say. I am not simply a parent, writer, actress, singer, and teacher. I am a person who has been defined and shaped by a myriad of experiences that do not always fit neatly into the aforementioned categories. That is one of the many reasons I started this blog. And that is the very reason that I believe in positive change for public education because when a child is truly exposed to a holistic educational experience they can also transform and transcend any societal rules and norms making something new and exciting. And that can only happen if public education is not financially starved or simply replaced with a corporate model.

Teachers and educators at moments expect me to be that which they can quickly identify with. Parents seek my insight and I theirs. Fellow actors know that I teach, but are at times oblivious to the failings of public education, and do not always fully realize how it can impact our very existence and profession. I get to stand on the cusp of all, always seeking a away to balance. There are many instances I feel very alone in my musings but I am very clear on how it all fits together and why I do what I do.

Looking back, I realize I have always done exactly this. And my new and continued insight is that I can be the voice for all of these things while relentlessly establishing and conquering my artistic existence and career. In other words, it does not have to be understood by anyone but me because this work waits for no explanation. I will continue to write, speak, fight, and act. And that is all.

Happy 1 year...now what

On August 18, 2013 I started Confessions of a Single Parent Actress after a long train ride from Philadelphia to Chicago and lots of inspiration. On that day, I remember getting off the train and immediately heading to a local audition and the words, my story, and my need to share the details about this crazy life with others began and the beat continues.

This year has brought many of the goals that I spoke of to fruition and I continue to be excited and open to even more.

I am encouraged by the present and prepared for the future. Despite the fact that my family is always one step away from being on the street (literally and figuratively) I would not trade this journey for any other. My daughter published her first book and I finally have representation that believes in my plan and is helping me bring it to fruition. I have surrounded myself with like minded friends and have silently moved away from the naysayers and dream killers.

This is my time and I look forward to more reconnections with other artists/friends and to working on projects that lift my spirit and fulfill my soul. Words and lyrics that make me stretch and grow. And a life that makes me smile from the inside out.

It is not easy being a single parent actress but I welcome the challenge and joys each and every day. And I thank all of those who continue to read and follow my blog. Continue to read and share with others.

Music is like breathing...now what?

“Music doesn't lie. If there is something to be changed in this world, then it can only happen through music.” Hendrix

When I was younger my imagination played out in my mind like music videos. Depending on what I was thinking, there was a song to go along with it. When I liked a boy, I always imagined us singing a duet from Grease or Sparkle. When I imagined myself on stage it was always as the lead singer of some amazing video in my mind. When I imagined myself reading in the library that was a video too. At the club, I danced the hardest and longest and I felt every rhythm all the way to my soul. It was like an out of body religious experience.

In the car and even on stage, music tells me a story and I want to share it with the world.

When I was younger, my grandma would wake me in the middle of the night and we would dance to the Staple Singers all night long until I fell back to sleep. When we got tickets to musicals or operas, I remember sitting at full attention memorizing every dance, every lyric, and every moment so I could reenact them once I got back home. When television shows actually had theme songs, I would dance to each one right in front of the TV.

My mom listened to Elton John, Dionne Warwick, Aretha Franklin, Stevie Wonder, Helen Reddy, Earth Wind and Fire, Beatles, and everything else in between. My aunt listened to Motown, Rick James, Donna Summer, James Brown, and Millie Jackson. My grandma listened to the Staple Singers, Ray Charles, hymns, and Mahalia Jackson. My grandfather listened to Beethoven, Bach, Mozart, opera, Big Band music, and Bernstein.  And I listen to all of them and more. I write about music because with so many schools cutting the arts, music, and dance, I worry that music may not have a chance. When I watch some of the new videos and watch some of  the new artists, I wonder where music is heading and will our children imagine their life as a music video.

Because music is always there to not only make me feel good, but it also keeps me company when the outside world becomes too much and it is something I love to share time and time again.  Music is like breath.  “One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain.” Marley

I don't give a rats... (and you know the rest)

After I had my daughter, I took on a new persona. I like to call it, 'I don't give a rats ass!' Yep. At times I would worry about what others thought of me and if my actions mattered and would I be liked. And then I got pregnant and those outside vocal opinions started again.  The business of acting and choosing the riskier path is not always popular or safe.

Sample voices: Why aren't you married? What are people going to think? Why do I keep trying to make acting work? You are not getting any younger. Why does she work more than me? Why am I not rich and famous? Why is she so irresponsible? I can't believe she is going to be a mother.What about my bills?

And then I gave birth and soon after I found my own voice and it said, 'Fuck all that shit!" And that voice gets stronger and louder everyday. Because my joy cannot and will not be determined by the opinions of others. Fuck that! When I wake and hit the ground running, I am accountable to me, my daughter, and God. Because face it, no one else has to walk my path and their opinions, stares, whispers, and assumptions can't help me. In fact, if I am not careful they will tempt me to the darkside of the superficial world where everyone cares about what others think, distractions, and have me thinking that I am somehow less cause I don't wear makeup daily or clean my house on a regular or that I don't work a "productive" 9 to 5. When they are simply compensating for their own mediocrity and BS and their own fear and otherwise joyless existence.

So I say F them and keep it moving. Life is better when you limit the audience to your life and silence those voices that are not yours. And if the F bomb makes you cringe, I don't give a rats ass.

Does acting work when you are not in NYC or LA? (The plan)

The answer is YES!

I started this life in Chicago, a great artistic town. Eventually, I built a resume and earned my Actors Equity membership and my SAG card. If you have been following my blog, you know that I ended up in New York and then moved to Philadelphia.

Once I arrived, I quickly realized that the promise of support was quickly replaced with the reality of none.  Not all personal relationships work in this business, in fact between that and my daughter's needs changing, I had to quickly make a change.And boy was it a change, but that is a story for another day.

The beauty of Philly is that union work is not very plentiful. How and why is that good? Well when you are trying to keep your pinky toe in the business while working a full time unrelated job, you can take a few days off for auditions and roles in film and television because they are not very often. And you can develop a great relationship with the local casting director.

Once my support system was strengthened again and my daughter got older, I decided to leap back in full time. I was pushed from job security into joyful uncertainty. Thanks to my mom who quickly reminded me that it is the reason that I end up on the east coast in the first place.

Here are some of the strategies that I used to be relevant again:

First, I attended any and all Equity auditions, locally, NYC, DC, and Maryland and wherever my car or a train could get me too. I invested in an EZ pass (provides nearly 40% off tolls) and dedicated a credit card to travel.

Next, I continued to freelance with a local agent and developed relationships in other cities with other agents who came and saw me in theatre. All the while, I also made sure that my new support system included positive friends in the business. I say positive because this life can make some folks a little negative and difficult to be around. And ain't nobody got time for all that!

These initial strategies helped me to build a resume of credits to make up for the time I had been away. I also worked very diligently to connect with a manager during year two of this plan. I required assistance in developing relationships with other casting directors who do not always attend open calls. This included taking classes. Thanks to my new support system, I was introduced to a manager willing to work with me from Philly.

In order to make sure that I can always show up for auditions or go away for shows, my mom and friends work with me in making sure that my daughter's life is not completely hectic. This includes schedules, arranging for rental cars, and making sure that everyone in my support system is fully aware of auditions because they can or cannot become jobs.It also means never never taking them for granted.

I still audition for all local projects and do not assume that directors will remember me. This includes learning new monologues and music to make sure that I demonstrate growth and versatility. That is attached to a cost (voice lessons, new plays, and individual coaching).
 
Next, building a digital presence is vital. Over the last few years, I hired a web site designer (you can also do it yourself on WIX.com) I recorded a voice over demo in order to widen my market. The beauty of Philadelphia is that local artists who do this kind of work do not charge NYC or LA prices and the quality is just as good or better. I just recently recorded a singing demo to advertise my talents for future casting directors, weddings, and special events. Develop and update a FB page with any and all projects and goals. Once again I paid Philly prices for amazing quality.

How do you locate flexible side jobs to support you during the breaks of no work? Well if you have a graduate degree there are many online colleges and local ones that will hire you to teach courses.  You can pick and choose a schedule that supports auditions and projects that will take you out of town. I have taught online while in rehearsal out of town for a musical. Below you will read about web design, voice overs, and coaching. All of these services are performed by local actors. If you want names and contact info please leave a comment and I will gladly forward their information. Always maximize your skills so that they can support you no matter what. And remember, positive artists love supporting each other because they provide a more personalized service.

Philadelphia works for my family in regard to schools, living costs, spiritual support, and my artistry. So I make it work as my home base.

Another important aspect is to always show up when you commit to getting to NYC no matter what. This requires always having money for the bus or train. In my case, I have to take the train due to abject motion sickness and I like showing up as my best self. This includes finding and trusting some awesome friends who reside in NYC who are willing to let you sleep on a couch or may have an extra room. Just in case you have a callback the very next day, or if you have a project that requires you to be in the city a little longer. This requires once again everyone being included in the loop by always sharing your schedule and possible auditions because remember they can become jobs in the blink of an eye. And I repeat never taking folks for granted.

As a result of this plan, I now have representation in NYC. I share this plan with you because it is possible even if some of the pieces are missing. And this is never taught in Acting 101.  As a single parent, there are moments that some of my support system changes and that is okay because I continue to work around any and all obstacles because I choose to never look back or move backwards.

This is a marathon not a race

“I always tell my kids if you lay down, people will step over you. But if you keep scrambling, if you keep going someone will always, always give you a hand. Always. But you gotta keep dancing, you gotta keep your feet moving.” Morgan Freeman.

I discovered this quote a few days ago and realized that it perfectly describes my world of acting. I have friends in the business who found instant success and have since moved on to other careers. I have some who have been presented with obstacles along the way and were either swallowed up by them eventually or continued to walk over and through them no matter what. All are great examples of what this business can and does look like. At times you feel as if everything is working in your favor and then in the same instance you can feel despondent because you simply cannot get the job or any job.

What many do not realize is that you are never told why or why not. No one ever sits you down after a failed audition to say, “If only you had done X. Y, and Z we would have definitely hired you or the casting director/director thought you were amazing but you were too  tall…” And since no one says anything, the voice of doubt and despair will fill in the words for you.  And trust me, the words are not always so kind.

It is during this time that you have to keep dancing just like the quote says. You have to keep seeking representation, you have to keep auditioning, you have to keep self-submitting yourself, you have to keep singing, keep acting, and keep striving towards each and every goal. The universe will provide all the obstacles and negative energy, but when you refuse to lay down and give up, you will begin to see the roads of opportunity open up. The challenge is getting up every morning to face the day and being able to do it again and again no matter what. You have to be willing to remove anyone and anything out of your environment that does not fully support you.

Just the other day, I had a last minute audition appointment in NYC.  I walked out of a doctor’s appointment, missed two trains and end up finally driving into town with my 13 year old in tow. The role was nothing life changing, but it was vitally important that I showed up because none of us get work from our couch.

“Once you’ve gotten the job, there’s nothing to it. If you’re an actor, you’re an actor. Doing it is not the hard part. The hard part is getting to do it.”(Morgan Freeman) So if you do not run to the opportunity even if it’s simply a single line or small role, then you will continue to never know and ask, “What if?”