It is the nearing the end of yet another year. It is a time when many of us begin to make new goals for the next year or we simply move into the new year with the status quo. For me, this is a great time for silence and letting go.
I started this blog August of 2013 and in that time it has grown and stretched into more than I ever imagined, and it continues to be open to even more possibilities. The anecdotes and ideas that I share are based in my reality and observations. The reality I face daily as a single parent actress attempting to find balance and joy between all of the lives that I lead. On one hand, I am a fierce advocate for public education and for those who continue to be relegated to the sidelines. And there are times I can't attend every meeting, I can't write every article, and I can't even attend every rally. And during those moments, I can feel as if I am not doing enough. But, I definitely do my very best. The other Tamara, balances working several part time jobs so that I can always be available for auditions and acting opportunities that fulfill my soul and calling. And at times, I look at my financial outlook and feel as if I am not doing enough. The question that is always there just beyond the surface, "Am I being selfish and should I simply get over myself and stop everything to return to Job Security R US?" Or my favorite, "Parents are supposed to make sacrifices, am I doing what is right for Maya?"
The third Tamara is a parent. And that one changes hourly, daily, weekly, monthly, annually and as needed. My daughter continues to amaze me with her spirit, her questions, her talent, and her possibilities. And yet, each year I find myself with new questions, new doubts, and new fears to conquer. And each year, it gets easier because I am different, stronger, and smarter every day. I don't stop moving forward because I can't stop.
So this year, I will stop giving an audience to negative people and to those who have no dreams or aspirations. I must stop listening to untruths and to those individuals who have never meant me any good. I am getting rid of the guilt when it comes to my work in social justice. I am one person and I am always willing and able to do my part, but it is okay if I take a moment for family and self. I am going to counter the internal questions about my artistic life by preparing for each and every audition, networking with casting directors and industry professionals, and making sure that I work part time jobs that are not counter-productive to my hustle. I will write stories that combine my advocacy with my artistry. And I will always know that I am doing my best work being Maya's mom.
I embrace dating and meeting someone new, but I rebuke crazy and settling for insecurities and mess. And I will sit in silence so I can actually hear God's voice over my own.
Lastly, I will continue to surround myself with beautiful energy and passion that matches my own. And this blog will always be here to encourage, poke fun at, and honestly chat about what it means to be in this business that we call acting, performing, singing, dancing, and whatever else gives you artistic life. And I wish all of you that read this an amazing, productive, fulfilling 2015 surrounded by joy, passion, and love. And remember always this is a marathon not a race! Rewards are granted along the pathway and there is no one big win to strive for. Small blessings are just as vital as the large ones. So look back on all that you have already accomplished and be encouraged by what lies ahead.
Monday, December 29, 2014
Saturday, December 6, 2014
I can't breathe...
No air
No justice
Not surprised
I wish I could say that the individual Grand Jury verdicts for Michael Brown and Eric Garner and for the countless other Black men, women, and children who continue to be killed by law enforcement and citizens was shocking, but it is not. Social media and society is definitely divided along several lines, but mostly it is separated between denial and truth.
The truth is that America has very deep racist values in its DNA. The treatment of women is yet another conundrum that we cannot fully overcome either because of how we also devalue individuals based on gender. Look at how we deal with rape. The list goes on and on, but mostly it is connected to the American view of "us" and "them." We even go as far as to designate certain months for "them". We celebrate Women's History Month, Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, and every other population who is not the majority. This is a silent and overt practice that means that every contribution that is not mainstream or white does not exist until its special month comes around once a year. And that is a problem.
The truth is that the pipeline to prison incarcerates more black and brown individuals and as a country we have the highest prison population. We also have the most guns. We have more guns than entire continents. The same country that boasts the top 5 in Forbes each year for their success and their equally ample paychecks, is also known for 1 out 5 children being homeless and hungry. This is a problem
The truth is that less than half of the population participates in the political process by exercising our right to vote. The income gap continues to grow despite the creation of new jobs. Public education is underfunded and the achievement gap still exists. The "have" and "have not" between schools is a reality. The New Jim Crow is also a reality. And that is a problem.
The truth is new laws that actually check and balance local municipalities in regard to law enforcement should be created. In other words, maybe the state's prosecutor should not be in charge of a case involving a police officer in their own state. Maybe we should actually elect public officials that care about the community and vote them out when they don't.
The denial is that we can all simply stop seeing color and move past this. Move into what exactly? The more we sanitize the past and the truth, the more denial runs rampant. Remember and fully acknowledge that this country was built on mass genocide and injustices. It is time to look at white privilege, which is basically American privilege and realize that as long as we only celebrate or remember the histories of certain populations, you know, "them,"we will continue to repeat history. Once we get over that, only then will we be able to create sustainable change that will literally break and eviscerate cycles for future generations. But you know what they say about habits...so I won't hold my breath...I already can't breathe...and that is a problem.
No justice
Not surprised
I wish I could say that the individual Grand Jury verdicts for Michael Brown and Eric Garner and for the countless other Black men, women, and children who continue to be killed by law enforcement and citizens was shocking, but it is not. Social media and society is definitely divided along several lines, but mostly it is separated between denial and truth.
The truth is that America has very deep racist values in its DNA. The treatment of women is yet another conundrum that we cannot fully overcome either because of how we also devalue individuals based on gender. Look at how we deal with rape. The list goes on and on, but mostly it is connected to the American view of "us" and "them." We even go as far as to designate certain months for "them". We celebrate Women's History Month, Black History Month, Hispanic Heritage Month, and every other population who is not the majority. This is a silent and overt practice that means that every contribution that is not mainstream or white does not exist until its special month comes around once a year. And that is a problem.
The truth is that the pipeline to prison incarcerates more black and brown individuals and as a country we have the highest prison population. We also have the most guns. We have more guns than entire continents. The same country that boasts the top 5 in Forbes each year for their success and their equally ample paychecks, is also known for 1 out 5 children being homeless and hungry. This is a problem
The truth is that less than half of the population participates in the political process by exercising our right to vote. The income gap continues to grow despite the creation of new jobs. Public education is underfunded and the achievement gap still exists. The "have" and "have not" between schools is a reality. The New Jim Crow is also a reality. And that is a problem.
The truth is new laws that actually check and balance local municipalities in regard to law enforcement should be created. In other words, maybe the state's prosecutor should not be in charge of a case involving a police officer in their own state. Maybe we should actually elect public officials that care about the community and vote them out when they don't.
The denial is that we can all simply stop seeing color and move past this. Move into what exactly? The more we sanitize the past and the truth, the more denial runs rampant. Remember and fully acknowledge that this country was built on mass genocide and injustices. It is time to look at white privilege, which is basically American privilege and realize that as long as we only celebrate or remember the histories of certain populations, you know, "them,"we will continue to repeat history. Once we get over that, only then will we be able to create sustainable change that will literally break and eviscerate cycles for future generations. But you know what they say about habits...so I won't hold my breath...I already can't breathe...and that is a problem.
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
The Dating Boom
When you are a single parent actress sometimes you venture into the land of dating or simply ward off crazies that you meet at the market, on the train....
I literally just met a slew of men who all blurred into the same person. Each of them kept calling me baby as if they were literally allergic to my name. Each of them could not decide the exact age of their children who they "take care of". And all of them wanted me to drop everything and hang out with them in less than 12 hours of meeting. Boom. Boom. Boom!!!
The best part of meeting someone new is when they ask you the famous question, "So what do you do for a living?" And you say...."I'm a professional actress." Then here comes the Boom. Boom #1: "Really?" Boom #2: "What have you been in?" Boom #3 and my most personal fave: "What do you full time?" Ummmm....This....dagnabit!
We single parent actresses want the simple things. Someone who understands that our schedule is a bit hectic, and at times chaotic. We do not have time for games or for you to want spontaneous dates because we have children and well laid plans make us happy, and make you appear less like an ass. And it is a great boon to your efforts if you are aware that Kim Kardashian is actually famous for a sex tape and good branding, and we are not looking to be famous. We celebrate small and big leaps in this crazy career, and we are very turned on by intelligence because the brain of an artists is literally wired differently than most (in a good way). In other words, if you really are a good man you don't have to tell me or hand me your proverbial resume, I will know from your actions and intentions.
So be prepared when you step to me...or simply smile and keep walking. I can't be responsible for what I may say and my mom always said if you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
I literally just met a slew of men who all blurred into the same person. Each of them kept calling me baby as if they were literally allergic to my name. Each of them could not decide the exact age of their children who they "take care of". And all of them wanted me to drop everything and hang out with them in less than 12 hours of meeting. Boom. Boom. Boom!!!
The best part of meeting someone new is when they ask you the famous question, "So what do you do for a living?" And you say...."I'm a professional actress." Then here comes the Boom. Boom #1: "Really?" Boom #2: "What have you been in?" Boom #3 and my most personal fave: "What do you full time?" Ummmm....This....dagnabit!
We single parent actresses want the simple things. Someone who understands that our schedule is a bit hectic, and at times chaotic. We do not have time for games or for you to want spontaneous dates because we have children and well laid plans make us happy, and make you appear less like an ass. And it is a great boon to your efforts if you are aware that Kim Kardashian is actually famous for a sex tape and good branding, and we are not looking to be famous. We celebrate small and big leaps in this crazy career, and we are very turned on by intelligence because the brain of an artists is literally wired differently than most (in a good way). In other words, if you really are a good man you don't have to tell me or hand me your proverbial resume, I will know from your actions and intentions.
So be prepared when you step to me...or simply smile and keep walking. I can't be responsible for what I may say and my mom always said if you don't have nothing nice to say, don't say anything at all.
One day you will get your big break...whatever
Okay. I must write this because if someone ever tells me this again I may lose it! When someone tells you, "One day you may get your big break," it bastardizes all of the great projects and hard work that you have been involved with since you started on this crazy journey in the first place. It is just as insulting as someone finding out that you are a public school teacher, and the response being, "Wow, that is really noble or I can't even imagine what that must be like." It looks like teaching! And if you talk to a few you may never have to make such inappropriate assumptions again.
What does this magical big break even look like? Is is it a great payday? Is it that bucket list role you always wanted? Is it fame? What?! If I waited for this "big break" as supposed to simply going after work period, I would be cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Waiting for that "big break" is the same as those folks who wait for a winning lottery ticket to land in their lap. And for those who really know me, you know that my hustle is ridiculous and I wait for nothing or no one. But I do feel that this blog is necessary because I know some folks have no idea what it means to take a f#@*ing risk and equally have no idea what the world of acting/performing even looks like. But if you simply let your common sense be your guide or read a few articles, you may actually find a clue. You may actually discover that people make a living sharing their art, time, and talent with others.
I am exhausted of explaining to the commoners what the hell I do, why I do it, and what it actually looks like! Shit! If you watch as much TV as I do, you will notice that there are some faces that you see in a few different shows on a few different channels. They are not famous, you cannot recall their name, but you know that face. They are called...wait for it...WORKING ACTORS!! And before you started seeing them on a few shows with a line here and there, they probably spent a fair amount of time in plays, staged readings, independent films, on cruise ships, amusement parks, mini concerts, background singing, teaching artist gigs, workshops, Broadway, Off Broadway, Off Off Broadway, and much more. In other words they and I have been working quite a long time at simply being an actor. Once again for those who have never read my blog, this is a marathon not a race.
To avoid sounding like a complete jerk, take a moment before you open your mouth and simply say, "I am really excited about your new project" or better yet, just nod and smile and walk away. Because I would rather you say nothing then insult my life work and the life work of my peers on this same journey.
What does this magical big break even look like? Is is it a great payday? Is it that bucket list role you always wanted? Is it fame? What?! If I waited for this "big break" as supposed to simply going after work period, I would be cuckoo for cocoa puffs. Waiting for that "big break" is the same as those folks who wait for a winning lottery ticket to land in their lap. And for those who really know me, you know that my hustle is ridiculous and I wait for nothing or no one. But I do feel that this blog is necessary because I know some folks have no idea what it means to take a f#@*ing risk and equally have no idea what the world of acting/performing even looks like. But if you simply let your common sense be your guide or read a few articles, you may actually find a clue. You may actually discover that people make a living sharing their art, time, and talent with others.
I am exhausted of explaining to the commoners what the hell I do, why I do it, and what it actually looks like! Shit! If you watch as much TV as I do, you will notice that there are some faces that you see in a few different shows on a few different channels. They are not famous, you cannot recall their name, but you know that face. They are called...wait for it...WORKING ACTORS!! And before you started seeing them on a few shows with a line here and there, they probably spent a fair amount of time in plays, staged readings, independent films, on cruise ships, amusement parks, mini concerts, background singing, teaching artist gigs, workshops, Broadway, Off Broadway, Off Off Broadway, and much more. In other words they and I have been working quite a long time at simply being an actor. Once again for those who have never read my blog, this is a marathon not a race.
To avoid sounding like a complete jerk, take a moment before you open your mouth and simply say, "I am really excited about your new project" or better yet, just nod and smile and walk away. Because I would rather you say nothing then insult my life work and the life work of my peers on this same journey.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)