Friday, March 8, 2024

What can we do about gun violence?

There was another set of shootings near a school and where students were present. The growing gun violence in Philadelphia and across America has reached the level of an epidemic. From mass shootings to shooting into crowds of people or simply being gunned down, THIS is everyone’s new reality. When interviewed by the Philadelphia Inquirer, a parent admitted that they believed the shootings were only happening to bad people until their loved one was shot. Advocates across the city are holding vigils, speaking to the community, and trying to work with city officials for a solution. These strategies are employed across other American cities. Increasing policing is another favorite. But unfortunately for Pennsylvanians this will never be enough because our state has a gun problem. We are the gun hub of the northeast corridor. Not New York, us. I remember attending a press conference in 2018 and another in 2020 when two different state reps provided data to prove the point and yet here we are. Not trying to not be the gun hub but to stop the shootings. Contact your local state rep and ask them where the data can be found, because it is something we all need to concern ourselves with. 

Speaking from personal experience, there is nothing more frightening or damning then receiving a call that your child or loved one has been involved in a shooting or your child or loved one calling screaming that they are in a shooting while they are running away. If you have not been touched personally by this, you will. Mostly because the problem of guns still exists. And you know what does not solve the gun problem? More policing, safe corridors, or curfews. Truth be told, I would love for America to simply eradicate guns altogether. It is difficult to shoot anyone if no one has a gun. But of course the 2nd Amendment is quoted often to protect the very guns killing people. And since many of us have no idea what the 2nd Amendment actually means it is a protection based on a false understanding. 

A well regulated Militia, being necessary to the security of a free State, the right of the people to keep and bear Arms, shall not be infringed

This was crafted when we were separate colonies. Each colony had its own militia, hence the word “free State”. So the right to bear arms was connected to the “protection” of colonial borders, NOT so you and every American could own a gun. This is why we have a division of armed forces to protect and fight. Now my agreement with that concept is a story and history lesson for another time. But, needless to say thanks to the bastardizing of this amendment, we walk around with a flawed purpose. We keep trying to end gun violence without fixing the problem of guns because we have “the right to bear arms.”

Another favorite solution is increasing gun regulations and making sure that shooters are given longer incarceration time. Well that is also flawed and not efficient. Neither of these have decreased gun violence, in fact it has increased since many of our states have some of the strictest and strongest regulations available. We also want to give youth something to do. Make school days longer, increase programming recreation centers. Because let’s face it if they had something more productive to do they would not have time to shoot each other or rob and pillage. Now on the surface, I agree with this idea, but it still misses the bigger point, we have a gun problem. And lots of people have guns and have access to guns. And according to the FBI, white on white crime is just as prevalent as Black on Black crime and guns are often involved so now what? Because moving away from the problem will not save you, look at how well that worked for the drug problem. 

At this point, we need to consider a radical solution for a problem that is not going away and only going to keep getting worse. What happens if guns were simply illegal? I believe there would still be shootings because drugs are illegal and there are still overdoses. But there is always the example of New Zealand and Iceland who banned assault weapons after the first mass shooting occurred and there have been zero since.  But America is not New Zealand or Iceland. Because we have let it go on for so long that it is not enough to simply make them illegal because so many guns are already here. And we threw the same lame such solutions after every mass shooting until we arrived here. The truth is that our history of mass shootings include the killing of Indigenous, Black, and Asian bodies — remember when it was okay to kill folks because you hated them and deemed them disposable? This is the other WHY we never discuss, teach, or ponder when attempting to create solutions. 

So no, I have no idea what should be done. But, I do know everything that is being offered will never work mostly because it has never worked. So what do we do about the problem of gun violence when we refuse to admit that we have a gun problem?



 

Friday, December 1, 2023

Exhaustion - Self Care - Saying No

Recognize what you can control and RELEASE what you cannot...

 Let me just say that,  when folks ask me,  "How are things?" Or "How have things been going?" I often respond with a smile and a nod assuring them that everything is okay. We all do that. Especially women. But the truth is many of us are not okay. Many of us are simply tired, exhausted, depressed, and feeling as if our spiritual energy is simply depleted. We can point to many external things, such as, and not limited to, systemic racism, stupidity, toxic environmental health, poor access to mental health resources, the news, the lack of will of politicians, the economy, the job market (for artists and others), anti-history and anti-trans bills, or all the above including things not even listed here. OR, simply living in the midst of everything can wear a spirit and body down. 

So what to do?

In order for us to thrive and not simply survive, we must find what matters most to us as individuals. We must remember that we cannot change everything all at once, or even more honestly, we may never see change in our lifetime. So then we have to be still. In the exhaustion, and the weariness. We must find the spiritual fortitude to rejuvenate our hearts, minds, and souls. Or else. So I have started to get a monthly massage. Visit my doctor regularly. Rest. Stay connected with friends and family. And say NO because NO is a complete sentence. I have liberated myself slowly but assuredly from providing an explanation for my no, for my refusal. because I finally realize that choosing myself or my loved ones is no one's business but my own. You know what I speak of: "Oh, I am unable to be there because blah blah blah" "I can't pick up those additional hours because blah blah (insert some lie that makes my refusal okay for someone else). No more. 

What else can I do?

Not to view every rejection  or zero response that I receive as a personal affront. Rather, view it as the difficult but interesting journey to a YES. The YES that brings the least amount of baggage, obstacles, and crazy. Every YES is not meant for you and sometimes a NO can save your life and more honestly your sanity. Embracing the sadness and lows when they come, and being okay when sometimes I am unable to get to the other side, because there is always tomorrow, medication, spirituality, and therapy. 

But life is soo hard and crazy right now?

Do not lack courage and do not run away. Sit in the difficulty, because if not, the lesson will come again, and again until you pay close attention. And the next time it may be harsher just to get your attention. So sit in it the first time. Ask questions. Be reflective. If you learn how to sit in the dark, then you will be more prepared when the light comes again, 

So yes, I am exhausted, but I am not finished. Yes, I am still working to gather more moments of self care. And I am committed to the liberation of the word NO, and to expanding my spiritual growth and commitment to faith. 

FAITH brings YES

YES brings growth and opportunity

VISUALIZATION brings TRUTH and REALIZATION

NO ushers in LIBERATION

Thursday, December 30, 2021

Dear 2021

Dear 2021,

Thank you for being OVER! 

Thank you for starting out with the power of me providing a space for other artists to shine their light! A community filled with beautiful Blackness - Thank you Gumbo Lab. 

Thank you for showing me after the reading of Black Bitch Cape, what an amazing show it will be in 2022. 

BUT...

You also have been filled with people showing their true selves over and over. You gave us all some hope and then slapped us with new variants - Delta and Omicron. States passing bills literally stopping people from having actual conversations about race, sex, gender justice, and everything in between. Masks and vaccinations were politicized. Schools were unsafe. Reproductive rights were rolled back to the stone age. And the sheer exhaustion and hilarity of the fuckery continue. So here are some lessons for 2022. 

Lesson One: Wear a mask. Period. 

Lesson Two: Get vaccinated and boosted.

Lesson Three: Before you gather with new people or with family you have not seen since 2019. get tested. Because Lessons 1 and 2 are not enough. 

Lesson Four: Read. Educate yourself. Focus on truth and not myths. Real and False history is right at your fingertips - - Choose wisely. 

Lesson Five: Give yourself your flowers today and each day that you are blessed to be here. Do not wait for someone to send them. Go select the blooms that lift your spirit and soul TODAY! 

Lesson Six: Whatever you have always wanted to do but were always too afraid to make it happen. Go make it happen. You may find actual joy and longer life after you free yourself from the mundane and the necessary. Even if that means doing NOTHING! 

Lesson Seven: Go to therapy. Period. 

Lesson Eight: Be kind. Love YOU. And remember that NO is a complete sentence. 

Lesson Nine: Seek out authentic and honest communication 

Lesson Ten: Be reflective every few months and keep what works and discard what is not. That includes habits, employment/careers, organizations, friendships, family, and intimate partners. 

Live fearlessly in 2022! And unabashedly. 2020 and 2021 taught us that life is precious and we are not promised to leave this plane at a certain date or time. We are only promised today. No one will ever love you as well as you love you, so practice every day so you never forget what that feels like. 

Until next time. Love and Light! 



Friday, December 24, 2021

Dear College Professors

 Dear College Professors (Full-time and Adjuncts),

After year one of a global pandemic that is proving that we still have a way to go as we enter year two of COVID-19, there are some valuable lessons that all educators in higher education should take with them. Some of these lessons should have been learned before you entered the field, but I find that challenging times push many of us to either change for the better or stick to oppressive practices. 

Lesson One: Developing a relationship with each of your students does not weaken you. It does not make you less than. It does not make you less brilliant. It makes you human, which allows you to see the humanity in your students and peers. 

Lesson Two: People have lost loved ones, friends, and family. And are still losing people. Students have lost loved ones to COVID and to gun violence. Just because they are perceived to be adults, does not make the stress of all of it any less potent. This means a rigid syllabus just makes you an asshole. 

Lesson Three: You are the pathway for your students to see the world in a new way. If you are still teaching and using predominately white male scholars in your practice, then they are definitely simply seeing the mythological world and not reality. You must evolve your lens to evolve others. The world is currently a dumpster fire, we need each generation that comes after to know that other ideas, ideologies, and stories exist or else we will cease to exist ourselves. 

Lesson Four: Having empathy and understanding when it comes to students does not lessen your expectations. It does not mean you are playing favorites. It means that you are actually being a teacher, and utilizing differentiation in your practice. Kindness in your practice. Academia does not and should not equal oppressive, patriarchal, and racist practices. It is YOUR class, so do something for good instead of treating the profession as if it is attached to your fucking ego. 

Lesson Five: Find a hobby, a spiritual practice, some friends, a cause, or a combination of any of the aforementioned.  Something that can help you to not take your teaching practice so seriously. It will help you find balance. Look to bell hooks who combined practice, sexuality, intimacy, curiosity, and love into her life. Balanced people are often, balanced educators. And their classrooms are a welcome place for all kinds of students regardless of their learning styles, abilities, or trauma. 

Final Lesson: Always consider the full arc of each student, not just their shortcomings that trigger your bias. This way, when they fall short, or something changes, you will actually notice. And then you can actually see their soul and their intentions, and work with them instead of against them. When you work against them, you are simply either trying to prove that you are right and they are wrong. OR, you are trying to prove that only certain students should be allowed into college, which is probably a bias that was passed down to you. Just because it was passed down does not mean it was valuable or positive.

Please take these lessons into 2022, as we continue to battle another variant, anti-CRT bills, white supremacy, and all those things that can cause anxiety, pain, sadness, and exhaustion for many of our students. As an educator in college, be the light that is so desperately needed. Or not...because lets face it, karma can be a bitch. 




Tuesday, April 6, 2021

Another Talk to Teachers

"It is not really a “Negro revolution” that is upsetting the country. What is upsetting the country is a sense of its own identity. If, for example, one managed to change the curriculum in all the schools so that Negroes learned more about themselves and their real contributions to this culture, you would be liberating not only Negroes, you’d be liberating white people who know nothing about their own history."  James Baldwin, A Talk to Teachers

    This passage reminds me how the school curriculum has never been meant to liberate or encourage questions. It has always been intended to encourage the norms and structures of society, which means that half-truths and conjecture are often written in textbooks, and repeated in lesson plans. Just recently, a teacher at Lincoln High School in Philadelphia gave his students an assignment asking them to pretend that they were slaves, write a letter to the slavemaster asking for their family to not be sold. This is an African-American studies class. This is a Philly public school. This happened in October 2020. In 1988 in Chicago, at Mother McAuley High School, an American Studies teacher made some of us owners and slaves and proclaimed herself the head slave catcher. The quote from Baldwin was written in 1963. 

    When classroom teachers decide that they want to teach the truth, they first must re-educate themselves and decolonize their own thinking. That can only happen if they realize that they have been miseducated in the first place. That teacher at Lincoln High School was not young or new, he had probably carried that assignment with him unchecked for years. Think of the students he miseducated and traumatized. This is why I am a firm believer that not everyone should be a teacher, and that anyone who does should be a life-long learner in pursuit of the truth. But first, one must acknowledge their implicit bias, racism, and upbringing. And that white supremacy and systemic racism are real. Then and only then can an individual question their own education and challenge their understanding of the world. 

    This is why improving teacher prep programs is not enough. Providing anti-racist workshops and conversation is not enough. Developing a robust and diverse curriculum is not enough. Creating more teaching certificates is not enough. If a person is not committed to ongoing edification and engaging in critical conversations, then they will continue to cause harm to students regardless of any intervention. The final paragraph of A Talk to Teachers, asks educators to do exactly this. Question everything. Challenge and analyze theories. And more importantly, continue to challenge the very pillars of public education by striving to seek and teach the truth by shining a bright light on the lies. But this requires you to shine a light on yourself and recognize how the very lies you need to fight have formed and imbued your very upbringing and status. 

   So educators question everything, challenge everything, and teach social and racial justice for liberation in grades K-12. It is the only way to dismantle and shake up the establishment and create another generation of troublemakers with the courage to question.  Because in the words of Baldwin, 

"America is not the world and if America is going to become a nation, she must find a way—and this child must help her to find a way to use the tremendous potential and tremendous energy which this child represents. If this country does not find a way to use that energy, it will be destroyed by that energy."

    



Monday, February 22, 2021

Why The Gumbo Lab?

In February of 2020, I was excited and ready to play Audrey 2 in Little Shop of Horrors at Meadowbrook Theatre. Another bucket list role, but in the background COVID-19 is overseas and cases are slowly entering the US. I hear it but I am not taking it seriously, because no one is. Plus, I am headed to New Orleans the first weekend of March despite the email letting us know that cancellations are being allowed due to COVID-19. Off to the airport I go. I make sure to call my daughter who is headed home for spring break and advise her to clean out her fridge, wash clothes and linen, and make sure that her room is clean. But let me tell you, when I got to the airport it was empty, and it was the International terminal, which is usually full. Hmmm...

I return from Bourbon Street and I am filled with shrimp and grits and wonderful ideas and connections for my job as a diversity consultant. March 9th. I head to an audition. I watched two dancers literally get asked to leave because they were visibly ill. Now, some of you reading this may say well that's a good thing. But, March is audition season and performers will come with one good lung to an audition and no one blinks an eye. But on THIS day it was different. Oh and did I mention that Penn Station looked pretty empty. March 10th, Maya and I head to the movies to watch The Hunt. It is spring break for most colleges. I came with Clorox wipes for the seats and spray. Because now I am watching the COVID numbers, while secretly still hoping that I can go to Michigan and play Audrey 2. 

And the next day the city of Philadelphia was on a stay at home order, and I was glued to the TV. The deaths, the numbers, the deaths, and I with the rest of America were left wondering what now?

So now cancellations are happening all over. Millions are filing for unemployment. Housing is being threatened. People are dying, and uprisings are occurring across the summer in a response to systemic racism, white supremacy, and murder by cops. And performing artists are left wondering what now?

Broadway, regional theater, TV, and film leadership start holding "town halls" and "conversations" about longtime racism in casting, show choices, directors, producers, and overall access. BIPOC artists unapologetically share their stories with the world, and start to create networks dedicated to making their voices heard. But much has still remained the same.

Virtual programs start and artists of course begin figuring out ways to be creative and seen. But many were not fully able to provide monetized pathways for themselves or other creatives. And then I start to think how can I be a catalyst for change instead of just talking about what could and should happen. So I write a proposal. An idea. I want it to be for Black women. I want it to be for Black trans and queer women. I want it to be a space to create original work with an actual team of professionals. I want it to be a residency that provides more than just a room, some snacks, and a name. I also want it to be virtual, intergenerational, and powerful. And more importantly, I want to pay people. 

All the while, that this idea is brewing, I am also creating a BIPOC database. A space for BIPOC creatives to be seen by the world, but also find work. grant opportunities, and more. A space that takes away the "excuses." You know the ones. "I have always wanted to hire more POC but I just never know where to find them or they don't apply, or they are always busy." Excuses, excuses, excuses! 

In a few months, from my house, during a pandemic, I locate over 100 BIPOC creatives and design a website. Done and done!

Now I start to think about what more can this "idea" offer. Can it be a space for theatre, film, TV, and other virtual programs? Yep! Can it be a space that can work with other production companies to create a powerful base to usher in more black centered content? Yes! Can it be a place for critical conversations about media? Yessss!! Now what to call it? Salon? Story Lab? What?! Then I start to think about my girlfriends and how we gathered before the corona. Over food, drinks, conversation, laughs, and dessert. Then I remembered the second to last meal I had with friends in person, and it was in New Orleans. Remember that trip? And Gumbo Lab hit my soul just like those grits and shrimp and I knew that I had the name. THE name that said "we have the necessary ingredients to make you shine and shake things up!" 

So when people ask me Why Gumbo Lab? Why not?

Where else can you, as an artist, be welcomed into a space that not only offers beautiful community, a bomb ass team of directors and cinematographers, 10 professional workshops, and space. The space and time and accountability partners necessary to create an original script. A space that is not simply for "emerging" artists but is intergenerational. And where everyone looks like me and you! 

So I say yes! We have 3 powerful new shows. And the response has been overwhelming positive and exciting. This is what happens when you have an idea, a clear direction, a dose of integrity, a work ethic, and an ask. This is what happens when you stop asking for permission and simply step into the truth of what can be. This is the power of Gumbo Lab. And I am so excited to see what comes next. 


Tuesday, December 29, 2020

If I Die Tomorrow...

So it is the end of 2020, and each year, this is a time for reflection and introspection. And I do not want to make jokes about death or dying with over 300,000 American deaths as a result of COVID-19. And the numbers are climbing. We have also lost loved ones due to cancer, murder, accidents, and natural causes. This makes death real. It makes near death experiences of 2020 even more poignant. It makes me not want to waste time doing anything that does not bring me joy, edification, or creative experiences. I no longer want to spend time with people who make me exhausted, sad, or even worse uninspired. So this is my reflection on if I were to die tomorrow what am I grateful for. 

So here it is, if I die tomorrow, I will always be grateful for my mom, my aunt, my cousin, and for being a mother to my amazing Maya. I am grateful that Maya is learning some hard lessons while managing her mental health and grief, and that she can find moments to smile while knowing that it is okay to not be okay. Maya has also taught me that we cannot run from obstacles, "Where am I not going to be Black and a Woman?" Facts! I am grateful, that some people have stopped speaking to me, and I am even more grateful for taking better care of me. I have a tendency to always think of others first, and often to the detriment of self. I am learning (thank you Debra Wright) that "No is a complete sentence." I also don't rush to pick up the phone nor respond to an email. I am also no longer rushing to accept apologies because lets face it, someone did something that pissed me off and the goal should be for that to not happen again, fuck a sorry. LOL! Just writing that gave me great joy and peace. I am grateful for all the lessons of 2020.  

This year, many artists lost contracts and saw work vanish in the blink of an eye. I am grateful that auditions continued to come. I developed some amazing virtual audition techniques in the process. I also finished my solo show, which includes 8 original songs (written by me).  In the midst of the crazy, I found inspiration to build Gumbo Lab. A virtual platform dedicated to BIPOC artists. And The Solo Project, which is the first Gumbo Lab production, is being sponsored by the Leeway Foundation and Black Lives Matter Philly, along with numerous individual donors. This is a major win during a time when many are struggling financially. Each weekly check-in that we have with the directors, cinematographers, and the artists has been inspirational and confirms that the community that I wanted to build and nurture is becoming a reality each week. Watching the gumbo cook is amazing! Ultimately, the Soul Full Celebration was a labor of love that featured some of my most talented friends performing and speaking about the wonderful work they continue to do in the community. Another positive for 2020. 

I have been a part of some great virtual projects this year as a behind the scenes producer and in front of the screen as an actress reading new shows for new playwrights. Helping organizations to get the youth vote out with the Philly House Party. Organizing an impromptu concert which featured artists from LA, NYC, Philly, Brazil, and social justice and local organizations. Finding joy in the midst of the storm is a theme for 2020. And as I look back, I am reminded that I tried to make a way out of no way. And that I am surrounded by some amazing friends and family. 

In the world of publications, I started with one chapter in a compilation about Black Lives Matter at School, and will go into 2021 with several more about race, black feminism, and what it means to do the work that many of us avoid. Confirmation that learning does not start or end with the number of degrees earned. 

Continued lessons that everyone is not who they appear to be on social media, and we all need to practice more honesty and integrity when it comes to our work and our intentions. I have gotten closer to some friends who I had lost contact with. I have been able to share holiday traditions and more with family in Chicago thanks to Zoom. And I am also reminded that when people are fearful they can exhibit some behaviors that can make you crazy if you allow it. And I am no longer allowing it nor am I giving anything that does not feel right in the light of day. Because I have lost friends and family to natural causes and murder in 2020 so my perspective on what I want life to be is becoming very very clear. 

Of course, I pray for life and to spend more time with my family and friends. But, I am grateful that I continue to live my life as if each day is my last. Not taking any moment for granted. Not taking any moment of inspiration or creativity for granted, It is why I keep a notebook near my bed. Some of the best things I have written came from that notebook. Listening to my spiritual guides to avoid difficult lessons. Reconnecting to my center so that I can be more balanced and "see". And let's face it. Many of us cannot say the same. It is the reason we spend so much time on social media trying to convince others and ourselves that everything is amazing or that we are such experts in "everything." When the truth is, many of us live in constant fear, and many of us do not know how to exist with fear so we fight it by lying to ourselves or even worse making others peoples lives miserable. We also love to hide behind our deep flaws and self-harming habits while critiquing others for having similar demons. This is why the 4 Agreements are so important (Thank you Don Miguel Ruiz)

  1. Be impeccable with your word
  2. Don't take anything personally
  3. Don't make assumptions
  4. Always do your best
Live, Reflect, Shed, and Repeat