Trial by Fire

"Trials are necessary for our spiritual health and growth" (1 Peter)

Fire is harmful and helpful. It destroys and yet stages the renewal. For the past few months, I had been enduring my very own fire. It challenged me to my spiritual, emotional and religious core. And just when it was ending, more death entered my inner circle. It is during this time that you realize who your true friends are. Those are the ones who send you a text or call to check in, but they are also the ones who don't get hurt feelings when you go dark and sequester yourself away. This grieving has taken on many forms, and unlike moments when I fight it off, I will also lay down and accept it at times so that I can feel my face wet with tears and be okay with that too.

Then when you add all of the death that surrounds us each day with Black lives being taken constantly, I simply want to lay down. But, that is when art and writing become my refuge and my weapon. Whenever I feel silenced by despair or strangled by a lack of hope, I can come here and share with others. I can share good, bad, or ugly news and know that someone will read it and be moved to do something. Change happens one person at a time. With strangers and loved ones.

I stayed in bed all day, thinking about how much love is lacking in today's world. Love for self. Love for each other. Love for family. Love for friends. Love for God or whatever higher power you subscribe to. The truth is, it is the only thing that can save us all. Save us from ourselves, Save us from our natural wretchedness. Save us from our selfishness and closemindedness. And since love is directly linked to forgiveness, it is the missing ingredient.

I am reminded during the darkness, that there is always good and bad. The glass is half full and half empty, perception is a motherfucker. So on the days that things are rough, I will be still and quiet. If I need to state the truth for the naysayers, I have no problem doing so. On the days that everything is light and fluffy, I will relish in the colors and nuances of all the beauty. Because you know what? Love and beauty exists in the good and the bad, but especially in the gray that lies smack dab in the middle.

SO embrace your fires and your trials. Even if there is another one close behind it. Even when you think that you are alone, you are not. And that is the truth that keeps me going. The air that pushes me forward day in and day out. Without God's love and wisdom, I am nothing.